Chastity II: Compatibility

When chastity is brought up in discussions more often then not it gets talked about in terms of safety, cuckolding, long term versus short term and a good male submissive/slave is one the can do it and do well by it. I am going to toss off safety as I may or may not write on the subject in the future and even then it will be brief. To me cuckolding is in the family of what I am going to talk about and is not separate from basic types of chastity. What do I think needs to be communicated that gets lost when the focus is there are two major ways chastity appeals to the participants of it and those that want to participate. These are either sexual torment or to remove or minimalize sex/sexuality in the relationship.

Compatibility between the two people involved is critical if chastity is to be a major theme in your relationship. What chastity is not is some competition or self esteem boost by a male submissive to think the longer without the cooler they are or making their cock the center of the relationship. At the same time chastity for a female dominant is not a way to get out of making sure their submissive/slave sexual needs are met or if choosing the torment approach, doing nothing but not letting him orgasm or locking him in a device and the female doing nothing else.

So let us look at the two ways chastity can be worked into a relationship:

1) Minimalize sex and sexuality within the relationship

This is pretty straight forward. For reasons with both parties they have a desire to have a chastised male where really neither are getting anything out of the situation but maybe relief of some level of anxiety and stress that sexuality and sex if in a complete and devoted relationship. There are also reasons for this type of chastity in lesser relationships but get trickier and I will mention the most common type.

Then who are the people that prefer a chaste slave?

a) People with low or zero (asexual) sex drives. These are people that are looking for devoted relationships that may or may not include emotional intimacy. But they do not have the sex drive to have that fulfilled and come to desire a chastity relationship in order to get out of what is a major thing in most couples relationships. Quite simple for these people this appeals to them as a way to get out of having to perform something they have little interest and relieve them of the guilt for being that way. This can very well be for both the dominant and submissive to have this as a driving force to but the man in chastity.

b) People that in some way have been sexually damaged. The reasons can be from some sort of abuse history, bad experiences with sex in their previous sexual history, some sort of medical situation, performance anxiety issues and probably others things I have not thought of. These people may have sexual drives and find pleasure in sex when alone but when with someone their issues prevent them from either enjoying it, become to stress out to perform or have a bad mental reaction to it. Just like with a above they can be drawn to this life and desire chastity to get intimacy while avoiding the sexual needs that a more regular relationship normally will thrust at them.

c) People repressing their sexual desires that go toward same sex attraction. Pretty straight forward as not everyone that has these feelings will act on them and plenty because of society as a whole, family and their religion choose to bury it inside them. For many in mainstream relationships this leads to a sparse at best sex life and often blows up in their face. But again some can see a power exchange relationship and include chastity in it as a way to divert and minimalize sex.

d) The woman is getting her sexual needs met elsewhere. Now I am not so much talking about cuckolding but more often talking about a married woman who owns a slave that is not her husband. This is also something quite common with couples looking for a free servant and one or both do not want the third involved in a sexual relationship with them. They are expecting total devotion by the slave but are not interested in the responsibility of someone with a normal or above sex drive getting their needs met.

Of course very rarely in public discussion and often in private one on one discussions will you get any of these types of people to be honest about their motivations for chastity. Heck for many they are simply in a denial and do not know why themselves. But it is very simple that most of these people turn to chastity to justify their preference or to self medicate. We all want to be accepted as not too far out of the norm and are especially sensitive when it comes to sex. We often as human beings choose to try to bend people to our needs and desires rather then admitting to ourselves if we are not in the normal area and seek out someone that fits.

This type can be both long term and short term although more often then not the desire of the people driven by this tends to go on the long term. But that does not mean they will not do short term and just use chastity to still minimalize sex in their relationship.

2) Use chastity as a way to sexually torment their slave for pleasure, control, productivity and more times then not some combination of the three.

This is going to usually be the one you find more often then not in long term healthy and happy relationships just simply from the fact that most people function and enjoy sex on some level so that of course transfers through to power exchange. For those that tie in chastity to cuckolding this to me is just one aspect but is in the overall family of sexual torment.

For chastity to be sexual torment to me it has to meet the following criteria:

a) Expressly communicated that the male is being intentionally denied an orgasm. It is not chastity if the male just does not know when he will get laid again because his woman shows no interest in sex or says no when approached to.

b) The woman communicates why, what and how during his chastity. So communicate chastity to motivate obedience, inform the slave it brings her great pleasure to do so, communicate how it is going to go down and things of this nature.

c) People consider chastity to be a mutually active participation activity. In other words the sexual tormenting the slave combined with the lack of release is often very out there and active in the relationship. This is where many my fellow female dominants fail and cost them good relationships and good slaves. It is the sexual tormenting that helps the men with getting their sexual needs and desires met or in short term be at a higher level of obedience. The men are in essence trading quantity of orgasms for quality and quantity of a sexual energy in the relationship by not losing their needs and getting a hit in the submissive level by their balls getting drained.

Let us discuss the motivations of using chastity to sexually torment a man.

a) For pleasure. Simple for a female it can be just fun to do. For a man what I wrote just above stands as they are trading orgasms for longer and more intense in the sexual atmosphere of the relationship. Chastity for sexual torment often means an actual acceptance of the man’s cock and balls being important and not being dismissive of them.

b) Control the man’s cock you control the man period. For those not just weaned from internet delusional theory of submissive people are either selfless wonders of the world or are fake do me frauds, there was once and even now and then you can find it now that controlling a man by controlling his cock was the way to go. Where one did not wish for a man that had no sexual needs but wished for a man that was constantly horny because they were so beyond easy to control that it prevented the wishful thinking disease.

c) Motivation This could have been lumped in with b as it is probably more similar then different. Both dominants and submissive are not always on the same level/energy to be actively dominant or submissive and for some men obedience through short term chastity allows them to bridge the gap between where they want or need to be based on submission level and therefore obedience.

You can sexually torment a man by him being chaste both long term and short term but it depends on the how and motivations for doing so. Long term chastity does not work if the main motivations are for control and motivation. The human brain works like just any other animals brain and when there ceases to be a thought that today is the day or it is so infrequent then the male's motivation to be obedient to a high level will cease and often resentment or questioning the real reasons of the relationship. But you can have long term chastity situations where it is used as a sexual torment that brings pleasure to both as part of their sex life. But this again requires actively engaging the male in tormenting him so this gets his sexual needs sated and not just chastity and nothing.

It is vital if one desires chastity whether long term or short term that they figure out which type they are and seek out someone similar. Because if two people are not compatible when one goes looking at the motivations and desires for chastity then it will more often then not blow up in the people’s faces.

In part three I will dive into chastity devices in terms of the good, bad and my preferences.