Rant: Loaded Terms

If blogs were not made for one sided and self serving rants then what is?

Here are some common terms and phrases used in this life that I find to be mostly hot air, fraudulent and selfishly self serving by specifically how they are used:

1) Micromanage – This is one of the greatest words to throw around in this life. The reason being no dominant or submissive judges the word without any specifics. So anyone can make a statement I do not like to or I do not want to be micromanaged and no one has a problem with it.

My issue with this term is that it obstructs good communication and the person uttering it are really only saying the thing that is being mentioned they have no intention of doing. In other words someone from a couple may say “I do not set up a schedule or check if the house was cleaned as I do not micromanage” or a person from a different couple might say “I am never told to wear certain clothes as we do not like micromanagement in our relationship”. The fact is the person who said the first thing might have a strict dress code and the person from the second statement might have rigid cleaning rules to follow.

Micromanage is a word that sounds so cool but in reality is completely hollow and meaningless.

2) Natural – This is the most common declaration for two types that I have difficulty with.

a) People expecting to be their regular selves but want their other to be all dominant or submissive like. Basically I will be myself and if you are submissive that anytime I want something from you that you disagree with you will just defer to me. From a submissive standpoint basically I will be my regular self and I believe I am submissive and want you to be alpha when I want you to be alpha.

b) From damaged people who try to feel better about themselves by putting down every person they see. These are the dominants that might state “I am a natural dominant and therefore have no need to have any rules but one, obey” or a submissive “I am a natural slave and have no need to be micromanaged”.

The default of all human beings of natural is regular relationship. In regular relationships people will show submissive and dominant traits to a certain degree and many on the far end make up people in successful power exchange relationships. But it is always on our terms. We also have deep society type influences that are part of our natural makeup. Power exchange basically means a level that goes against natural and to claim natural basically is to mean no power exchange actually happens.

3) Safety – Actually my next rant thing will be on this. But in short most of the talk about safety is actually nothing more then either an attempt to control a person or the most common in this life a person who does not do something and must campaign for others to not do it either because they think it will make them less something in other people’s eyes.

I believe when safety is discussed in a pure form this is not a loaded term. When I mean pure when people just talk about fact or what they think are facts and no anecdotal stories, opinions and judgments are being shared.

4) “I am too hard on myself and do not need punishments” – Actual translation “I am not really sorry at all and like putting the issue back on the other person to make them jump through my hoops so I believe they have forgiven me.” I mean is there anything as annoying then being the wronged party and then having to be the one who puts in the most effort to deal with the situation by having to convince the person in the wrong everything is fine. Put that into power exchange and you are basically being totally manipulated and played by the slave and this is one mistress that will not get played.

Forget dominance and submission when most people are truly sorry for an action and beaten themselves up for what they did they would jump at a chance to do something to make it right. Then why do these people avoid a system actually setup to force penance and forgiveness for the other? Because of two things, 1) Not really sorry just sorry they did not get away with it. 2) Fragile esteem issues and outward communication of “I screwed up” is not something they can handle. This is also why this tends to bug me when I hear such things as basically it just screams attachment issues and total lack of awareness.

We as human beings punish in our relationships. When in power exchange you can choose a formal way that can force honest communication and pressure people to forgive and move on and not let things fester or you can do it the natural way. The natural way is through passive aggressive behaviors, non communication and let issues build up and fester to the point they erupt in an overblown way. We accept these types even while not liking them. It is the spouse who knows there will be no sex tonight because the other is mad at them, cold shoulders and things drudged up from the past that should have long ago been dealt with.