For the Right Reasons Part I

If the power exchange life is not within you from the right motivation and passion standpoints and your pursuit is more about getting the byproducts you doom yourself in your pursuit to failure, loneliness and frustration.

In a rough guesswork estimate I think fifty percent of the profiles I read on the personal site I was/am on were people from both genders and roles where it was clearly evident that their motivation to seek another was not for the right reasons but to get some end thing they wanted and think a power exchange relationship will provide. These are the dominants who could only communicate in wanting domestic service, being spoiled and a better financial life. These are the submissives that only communicate in wanting to be feminized, cuckold and other things that were mostly kinky sexual things. Now there is nothing wrong with desiring such things, but where they are wrong is when they underestimate what is needed in power exchange part and discredit the effort and other person to be involved to claim their one dimensional prize.

Being a dominant or a submissive in a significant power exchange relationship should never be motivated by what you get out of it in terms of the byproducts and end results. People that have successful relationships measured in long term fit the life and have the motivation and passion for what the life is and how it makes them feel and that over time generates all the fun byproducts.

Dominants motivation and passion

I have little respect for another dominant which all they can communicate basically wants to be spoiled and that a good submissive male will only care about their desires. These women are almost always just motivated by the desire for an easier life and think calling themselves dominant and finding a submissive male to have a power exchange relationship will accomplish that. Again anytime one communicates in this life motivations that are nothing more then a series of specific things then the reality of it is that they are only just focused on those things.

I cannot know all the good motivations a person has for calling themselves dominant and wanting a power exchange relationship. I do know most that I have met and are or have been in long term relationships tend to have the following strong desires and personality traits that make motivations fit for a long lasting and healthy power exchange relationship:

1) Desire for control. This often gets downplayed where in fact you will rarely hear or read about it except for when people speak out against over controlling (abusive) or not wanting to or be micromanaged. I would say this term is treated much the way the term sadism is thrown around, very carefully. I believe for control though the reason is simply dominants in today’s world, at least in cyber, seem to have a desperation to project themselves as perfect human beings. That they seem to love to try to take any well viewed character trait and make it like they have a monopoly on it. The need for control is considered a negative trait for most people and therefore we must not mention it.

But the fact is almost any dominant wanting some sort of significant power exchange relationship wants/needs to be able to control their slave. It does not have to be 24/7 and every action but they have to have the right to have the ability to control certain to many situations and things. This goes to a common insecurity and anxiety thing in them. I will give myself as an example of a person that is controlling. The level of control I exude most of the time is not really noticeable in day to day routine things a couple would do but put me in unknown or stressful situations you will see me quite clearly seek out control.

The reason why this is often an important trait to have is simply because a slave you own in that severe power exchange is not wanting but often needing to know what you as a mistress wants from them whether direct or just how going about day to day life in general. A mistress who has no natural need to control things will often make a slave feel lost and therefore struggle if all they ever get from their mistress is words and vibe that communicate “I don’t care” or “I don’t know”.

2) Have a well thought out desire in how they want to live. Dominants lead and submissives follow it is as simple as that and a dominant that has no actual vision outside of some perks and not wanting to argue and negotiate everything in their relationship just will not cut it. The ignorant and foolish in this life think a submissive is born to just have to submit and make their dominant needs take priority over their own, but that is not the case. A slave will have to put those needs in that order and obey out of caring for their owner and being inspired by how their owner wants to live. Just getting a slave and then what will more often then not fail because the relationship will quickly fall into a regular one or even worse the mistress looking at the slave and hoping they have an idea.

3) The ability, desire and willingness to make the effort when not feeling it to be a take charge leader in the relationship in the amount equal to the amount of power you want in the relationship. Show me regardless of role or gender a person waxing about how a slave should be able to anticipate their owner’s needs and be able to do anything in ways to make their owners like easier and I will show you a person in a faux power exchange relationship or is just totally clueless.

Submissives and especially male submissives who desire significant power exchange relationships are not drawn to this life just to get kinky sex or to serve and please a woman. Quite simply they can do that in any regular relationship. There is no shortage of regular women who would allow a man to spoil them, put them first and on and on. No, what is a huge appeal to a person with a strong submissive personality is the freedom of knowing directly and specifically what they are doing makes their loved one happy. But guess what? That has to be communicated directly and the dominant actually has to come up with what they want!

By far and away when I see female dominants lose men that I knew to be quite submissive the lack of this was always a big reason. Many a profile and message board post I see quite clueless and ignorant female dominants that simply do not get this, can do this or want this. They almost always describe what they want is an alpha man that will read their minds and desires and do things they want and hope to do and get. But we call these relationships femdom and female led for a huge ass reason because that is what both people are supposedly wanting. Leadership and domination require decisiveness, assertiveness, inspiration, setting specific goals and willingness to impose one’s will on another. If the idea of the dominant for leadership is for the male slave to initiate everything with limited or no direct communication and orders that are specific in nature and for them to be pleased or displeased then that dominant will be always looking for a new slave.

A basic example/test: A clueless dominant will not make a decision, seek constant approval or worse expect the submissive to plan a Saturday night out. A dominant that tells their slave what they are going to do, how they are going to do it and when they are going to do it will make the slave happy and obey with zeal.

4) Must have a thick skin and/or some sadism in you. Forget all the poetry bull shit people put out on the web. Forget all the false projection of fairytale bliss that active couples like to project their relationships to be. The simple fact a slave in a 24/7 situation will not live 24/7 and have pleasure in doing everything that they do for the dominant. A dominant who can be bothered because they do not want or cannot do and order things on their dearly loved slave because they know or the slave clearly communicates no fun simply will not be able to dominate the slave and the slave will actually resent them for it.

At the core of many a slave if not all is the desire for their beloved owner to truly be happy and do what they want. A slave forced to suffer at times in various forms from mundane to kinky is actually needed by the slave because it shows them their owner is actually doing just that. Plus when a dominant does a nice and generous thing for their slave it is exponentially appreciated because it is not a barter thing but out of genuine affection. An owner who only thinks of themselves and totally disrespects and is dismissive of their slaves own desires and needs outside of to serve them will often abuse this and lose their slave. All of this may sound like a fine line but it really is not. It just takes compatibility, love and a person that is mentally healthy and of decent character which are not special but needed in any type of relationship.

In part two I will talk about the motivations and traits that make for a successful submissive and talk about the importance of having a passion for the life.