Selfless is a Myth!

There was a Friends episode once where Phoebe and Joey went back and forth on the issue there is no such thing as a selfless act which was Phoebe’s contention. This is also mine with one disclaimer of something like risking one’s life for a complete stranger in a spur of a moment situation and things like that I would say are not totally selfless but to me are more like that then where you could put it anywhere else.

The big lie promoted by both dominants and submissives

“A slave needs to put all of their owners needs and desires ahead of their own” or sometimes seen in a more politically incorrect form “A slave only desire is to please their owner”.

As a doctor and one that has been very physically intimate with a few male submissives I hate to puncture this thought but the truth is a submissive human being is still a regular old human being. I personally have not found them to be altered to where they are naturally totally selfless human beings with just one need in their human body.

Why oh why is this idiotic thought practically everywhere where power exchange is discussed?

Because both roles love to communicate this! The reason my friends is one word, ego!

Dominants need to promote this between this is an idealized thought in a perpetual get out of jail free card that anything they do is right and good and enjoying the thought of a person who is so selfless in their devotion to me must make me awesome! But the fact is the real reason is many female dominants have deep flaws and/or often not remotely dominants as well. They need to have a theory to justify being selfish, crappy to another human being and not look in the mirror and see why another slave dumped them. So we see them promote this because if taken at face value means they are truly omnipotent in their relationship and cannot be the cause of anything wrong. That any slave in their ownership who complains or asks for things is not really a slave but a “do me” sub because they express a desire or need besides just serving their owner.

Then why do submissives let this idiotic thought go pretty much unchecked is an ego thing just like with dominants. It is pretty darn great to think of oneself as selfless in the grand old scale of how decent a human being I am. People in general and men especially love to rank themselves and my slave brought this to my attention. Men in this life absolutely adore thinking all the other men are losers and they are one of the few that is an actual submissive. This is why they do not trash foolish stuff like this and why femdom in cyber is so often this lame one note. 

A slave is not happy because they are serving on such a deep level to entertain thoughts of actually being selfless but a happy slave needs to serve deeply the one that makes them happy.

I just paraphrased this from what another blogger wrote that was sent to me awhile back. I am sorry I cannot give them credit as I have lost where it was from.

If I was a male submissive looking for a long term severe power exchange relationship I would make sure the mistress that owned me got this sentiment and did not buy into the slave is a selfless person sentiment.

There is no such thing as a selfless slave or a slave that only has one desire and need which is attending to their owner’s needs and desires. The fact is when we are fortunate enough as mistresses to be with a slave who needs to make our happiness their first and by farthest number one desire it is because we have made them happy and truly caring for us as a person. The slave’s zealot obedience and devotion is totally a selfish behavior from being happy, in love, needs and desires being met and wanting it to not change. Now this does take a slave to have a character trait of being unselfish but the truth is if they have gone so far in the relationship where the two people are happy in their power exchange relationship then that unselfishness has long since been proven.

Motivations are always personal

This goes to what I wrote above. Even slaves are strictly motivated by personal needs and desires. In ANY long term situation one need never ever consumes anyone, including a slave over other needs. Anyone who thinks or promotes this is just not very bright, not thought things through or is intentionally preaching it for self justifications that do not add up and pass the decent person test.

The best example I can use is when some female dominants preach a long term chastity situation on a slave and think that will make the slave transfer their sexual energy and focus to energy and focus on them. The fact is that can work in the short run but long run is idiotic. This is because if done in the long run it just becomes about a man not getting any sexual release as the thought and need of doing it for my mistress will fall back or be overtaken by other needs and desires. Anyone thinking a sexual drive from anyone with an average or above thinks that can be transferred long term someplace else or ignored altogether regardless of gender or role is one very delusional human being.

But if two people are compatible for long term chastity it will be because both get their personal needs met by it. For a slave with a sex drive it will not be obedience to get a release as long term renders that carrot meaningless. But for most male submissives long term chastity done in a way that is one long foreplay makes these men simply craving it. They are not transferring sexual energy into obedience but the chastity and how the dominant torments them sexually with it causes them to be so happy that their obedience and need to serve blossoms. The slave is not selfless but is in fact getting many needs, including their sexual ones, met.

Be careful of the mistress that truly thinks a slave should genuinely only need to obey and please their mistress. Quite simply the mistresses that think that do not have a clue or are so self esteem challenged they will suck a slave dry of energy and toss them aside because they are drugging themselves by delusional thinking that they are awesome because of how the man worships them.

Always keep your thoughts grounded in real life

All people in this life are regular human beings with the same desires and needs in terms of the fact we have many. People regardless of role or gender in this life who believe anything different are in trouble of going through this life frustrated and alone more often then not as they see one relationship burn out after another. The biggest things that make these relationships work are the same that make any other type of relationship dynamic work, MUTUAL effort and accepting a person for who they are and not just what you want from them. For femdom this is having to realize a female dominant must put effort into the relationship and remember, deal and care that their other will have other needs besides making them happy. For a submissive this means stop buying into the hype they must be selfless and then see a relationship blow up in their face when some needs are not being met and directly or indirectly they get acted upon.

It is the happy slave who is obedient and lives to serve and not a slave just lives to serve.

I will end with a personal example

I am so far from a perfect person it is a complete joke. I am controlling, sadistic and so left brained I average at least once a day another human being scratching their head or upset with me because I come off cold because I say something all from the brain and not filtered by my heart. That is just the start of the list. But I try not to be selfish.

My slave Dave and I live forty-five minutes apart. I could do what cyber female dominants often project what a female dominant do and never pop into my car and drive to him. I mean after all he should only be about making my life easier and better. But in real life we have a real relationship and why so many in cyber are either single in perpetual search or given up have a real loving long term relationship and choose a long string of casual use the men up and toss them aside. We are at a stage that just on weekend seeing each other does not work and especially so if I have to work one or two days.

I could order him to come down and he would be willing to once or twice a week to visit me when he gets off work and then has to drive back to be at work the next morning. It would be easiest for me. But this would also burn him out and make him less happy in the relationship and that could spell doom which would be tragic if that was to be the main reason the relationship ended. But I drive up to him on days off during the week I have not out of selflessness but in wanting the relationship to work and making sure I have a happy slave and not a put upon slave. Because it is not all about me but all about us based on personal needs and desires getting met and that touch of magic that draws two people together. It is reality and not fantasy justified by idiotic theory that often dooms a relationship.