Politics of Sadism Part I

Why healthy sadists tend to hide within the BDSM world.

I remember like it was yesterday the angriest I ever got about this life in general. I was reading an article in a medical journal about the psychology of S&M. The person who actually got the garbage piece published had pretty much interviewed and used one professional female dominant for their source into the world that we live in. In the article their “expert” made the statement that people who are naturally aroused by inflicting pain should not be allowed by bottoms to play with them.

Now let me be clear on my view of professional dominants, they can be anywhere between the greatest dominants in the history of the world or complete frauds but all I do know is that once you take money as the main motivation for doing anything that anything out of their mouths should have a giant disclaimer for conflict of interest. So in the case of this expert who is in business of topping a person, she was not a sadist so one might just conclude it was in her benefit to believe and promote the discouragement of people who find a sadist to play with for free?

But she was not alone in her beliefs and in all honesty in her conflict of interest.

The motivation of the two firm stereotypes of sadists in this life.

Often whether online or in local communities when you hear/read the word sadist you will see it being associated with two fairly defined types:

1) A person who is also a sociopath that will abuse another person and cause harm to them and even possibly kill.

2) A person who enjoys inflicting pain by seeing how the bottom reacts in a positive manner or in some cases knowing the positive overall experience the bottom will have with pain.

Noticeably absent from the standard views is someone like me, a person who enjoys inflicting pain physical and/or emotional on a willing participant without doing harm. (Which by the way this happens to be the modern definition of a person that is sane and not sick by the mental health world.) So why do people like me not wave what we are about proudly even though it was not until the seventies we got cleared as being ok just like homosexuality, simply because we are a minority and too easy of a target for too many types that are in this life.

There are three factors that go why this life in general has kept on promoting these as the two main ways to be identified as a sadist.

1) The persecution/misunderstanding/ignorance of this life and with the general public. Some may say they are proud and do not care what others think but for most in this life we would all prefer not to have to explain ourselves to ignorant and judgmental people. An unfortunate human character flaw that many if not most have but can or cannot show it to many different degrees is that we like to always think of ourselves as pretty darn awesome. Along with this, the farther a person is away from us we are more then willing to judge them bad people if it helps our view of ourselves. This works to project thoughts and beliefs of a non sadist of the general public would get me but if it were not for the bad apples in this life and they must be sadist to hurt others.

2) Dominants who are not sadists that want to position themselves first in line for getting bottoms and submissives. Human ego combined with desires not getting filled and frustration causes way too many dominants in this life to want to think of themselves as the best in some sort of factual one size fits all measurement. So their favorite ways to past the time is thinking of theories and communicate things that translate if one creates a computer program to pick the best dominant their name would come out.

We have all heard these theories. “You cannot call yourself a master/mistress, only people from your community can”, “You cannot be a competent master/mistress if you did not start out as a slave first”, “If you did not learn your craft from a legitimate local community you are probably too dangerous to be with” and “It takes x amount of years of dedication of learning and mastering the dominant craft before you should own a slave” (of course the amount is what they just by coincidence have).

Well when one can or does not feel like building themselves up they can choose to stay where they are and tear everyone else down. So hence we get the beware of sadists as they will abuse and kill you type thoughts. One of the least communicated reality to people that are in this life from both roles and genders is that many have little interest in power exchange and have any actual fetishes. Many people have wonderfully healthy, loving and happy relationships in this life that in actuality have no power exchange in them what so ever. Most of these relationships just have two people living openly communicated and agreed upon roles talked about and negotiated. There is no force or bending of anyone’s will in these. If anything kinky is involved it is purely for both to get an immediate pleasure in some way from them that is totally separate from the living dynamic.

So quite simply people so far removed from a sadist and an actual power exchange relationships it is an easy thought to promote those not like them as being dangerous abusers that submissives need to run away from  and into by just a gigantic coincidence someone just like them. In essence create the boogie man and create fear and then promote one solution that just happens to benefit themselves. Can you tell just how much disdain I have for these types of dominants!

3) Fear and paranoia of new submissives and bottoms coming into this life. This is often because of #2 people who love to infer the boogie man is everywhere except where they are standing. This life when going from realizing desires that are not regular society approved, that is so different then regular life, that the things we are drawn to have risks and last but not least we rarely venture into this life with a social network in place we like and trust but we come into it often all alone. This can make people vulnerable.

Without knowing the life we take what we can pull in from other inputs we have had in our life. How else do people ever really hear the term sadist? Most here it on TV crime shows or from stories of serial killers so they already associate the term with unhealthy and dangerous.

Fear is most often generated from not knowing things and/or being thrown into situations that we are completely unfamiliar with. People tend to only think about worse case scenarios and let their imaginations run wild when they do not identify with what they are trying to figure out or read/listen up on. So simply between the fear mongers and the fear of the unknown thinking of the term sadist and nerves causing worse case scenarios to pop into their heads most sadist feel like they cannot win. So sadists choose to hide in the my pleasure is seeing the bottom being pleasured by what I inflict on them definition created by dominants just not into topping for personal pleasure.

In part two I will talk about the myths associated with sadism and try to give you a peak into my mind and how my sadism churns in me and what I get out of it and enjoy and think about.