Politics of Sadism Part I

Why healthy sadists tend to hide within the BDSM world.

I remember like it was yesterday the angriest I ever got about this life in general. I was reading an article in a medical journal about the psychology of S&M. The person who actually got the garbage piece published had pretty much interviewed and used one professional female dominant for their source into the world that we live in. In the article their “expert” made the statement that people who are naturally aroused by inflicting pain should not be allowed by bottoms to play with them.

Now let me be clear on my view of professional dominants, they can be anywhere between the greatest dominants in the history of the world or complete frauds but all I do know is that once you take money as the main motivation for doing anything that anything out of their mouths should have a giant disclaimer for conflict of interest. So in the case of this expert who is in business of topping a person, she was not a sadist so one might just conclude it was in her benefit to believe and promote the discouragement of people who find a sadist to play with for free?

But she was not alone in her beliefs and in all honesty in her conflict of interest.

The motivation of the two firm stereotypes of sadists in this life.

Often whether online or in local communities when you hear/read the word sadist you will see it being associated with two fairly defined types:

1) A person who is also a sociopath that will abuse another person and cause harm to them and even possibly kill.

2) A person who enjoys inflicting pain by seeing how the bottom reacts in a positive manner or in some cases knowing the positive overall experience the bottom will have with pain.

Noticeably absent from the standard views is someone like me, a person who enjoys inflicting pain physical and/or emotional on a willing participant without doing harm. (Which by the way this happens to be the modern definition of a person that is sane and not sick by the mental health world.) So why do people like me not wave what we are about proudly even though it was not until the seventies we got cleared as being ok just like homosexuality, simply because we are a minority and too easy of a target for too many types that are in this life.

There are three factors that go why this life in general has kept on promoting these as the two main ways to be identified as a sadist.

1) The persecution/misunderstanding/ignorance of this life and with the general public. Some may say they are proud and do not care what others think but for most in this life we would all prefer not to have to explain ourselves to ignorant and judgmental people. An unfortunate human character flaw that many if not most have but can or cannot show it to many different degrees is that we like to always think of ourselves as pretty darn awesome. Along with this, the farther a person is away from us we are more then willing to judge them bad people if it helps our view of ourselves. This works to project thoughts and beliefs of a non sadist of the general public would get me but if it were not for the bad apples in this life and they must be sadist to hurt others.

2) Dominants who are not sadists that want to position themselves first in line for getting bottoms and submissives. Human ego combined with desires not getting filled and frustration causes way too many dominants in this life to want to think of themselves as the best in some sort of factual one size fits all measurement. So their favorite ways to past the time is thinking of theories and communicate things that translate if one creates a computer program to pick the best dominant their name would come out.

We have all heard these theories. “You cannot call yourself a master/mistress, only people from your community can”, “You cannot be a competent master/mistress if you did not start out as a slave first”, “If you did not learn your craft from a legitimate local community you are probably too dangerous to be with” and “It takes x amount of years of dedication of learning and mastering the dominant craft before you should own a slave” (of course the amount is what they just by coincidence have).

Well when one can or does not feel like building themselves up they can choose to stay where they are and tear everyone else down. So hence we get the beware of sadists as they will abuse and kill you type thoughts. One of the least communicated reality to people that are in this life from both roles and genders is that many have little interest in power exchange and have any actual fetishes. Many people have wonderfully healthy, loving and happy relationships in this life that in actuality have no power exchange in them what so ever. Most of these relationships just have two people living openly communicated and agreed upon roles talked about and negotiated. There is no force or bending of anyone’s will in these. If anything kinky is involved it is purely for both to get an immediate pleasure in some way from them that is totally separate from the living dynamic.

So quite simply people so far removed from a sadist and an actual power exchange relationships it is an easy thought to promote those not like them as being dangerous abusers that submissives need to run away from  and into by just a gigantic coincidence someone just like them. In essence create the boogie man and create fear and then promote one solution that just happens to benefit themselves. Can you tell just how much disdain I have for these types of dominants!

3) Fear and paranoia of new submissives and bottoms coming into this life. This is often because of #2 people who love to infer the boogie man is everywhere except where they are standing. This life when going from realizing desires that are not regular society approved, that is so different then regular life, that the things we are drawn to have risks and last but not least we rarely venture into this life with a social network in place we like and trust but we come into it often all alone. This can make people vulnerable.

Without knowing the life we take what we can pull in from other inputs we have had in our life. How else do people ever really hear the term sadist? Most here it on TV crime shows or from stories of serial killers so they already associate the term with unhealthy and dangerous.

Fear is most often generated from not knowing things and/or being thrown into situations that we are completely unfamiliar with. People tend to only think about worse case scenarios and let their imaginations run wild when they do not identify with what they are trying to figure out or read/listen up on. So simply between the fear mongers and the fear of the unknown thinking of the term sadist and nerves causing worse case scenarios to pop into their heads most sadist feel like they cannot win. So sadists choose to hide in the my pleasure is seeing the bottom being pleasured by what I inflict on them definition created by dominants just not into topping for personal pleasure.

In part two I will talk about the myths associated with sadism and try to give you a peak into my mind and how my sadism churns in me and what I get out of it and enjoy and think about.

Politics of Sadism Part II

Yes indeed inflicting pain of some type on my other is immensely pleasurable from a pure emotional or sexual reaction.

When people often discuss sadism in an attempt to discuss people like me they often are very much hit and miss with the facts. Some do it out of complete ignorance and as discussed in part one self serving beliefs. Others choose way outdated definitions or screw up trying to recall way back when learning or simply read through something way too fast. Finally there are people hiding in cyber thinking they are all that that write in some haste the first thing that pops into their head and then feel the need to defend the fact they have to be right then any actual discussion or truths.

Here are the most common myths when sadism is discussed:

1) Sadism is under the umbrella of being a sociopath or is just a characteristic of one. I am not sure why this happens so often. It maybe because they are in the same cluster when reading up on personality types and traits and it confuses people, it helps the fear mongers to want to think that or any other way but often you will hear people mention them that you cannot have one without the other or sadism is a trait of a sociopath.

People can have more then one main personality issue when discussing the unhealthy mental health of someone. It is true that sadism can very well be more common then many other types that a sociopath may have in addition to being sociopath. But sadism and sociopath is not a mutually inclusive thing.

2) Sadists lack empathy. This goes with #1. Sociopaths do not have empathy. Sadists certainly can and do, especially us healthy ones! The two most common personality disorders that lack of empathy is prevalent is of a sociopath and a narcissist. If all types of sadist did indeed lack empathy then we would be too dangerous to play with. People in the BDSM life do things that on occasion or often that the bottom experiences difficulty or does not enjoy. We are not quick to label some one a sociopath and lacks empathy if we chastise a man for a period of time or do some mutually agreed to rape scene to a submissive woman. Well a healthy sadist is no different from any other top that balances enjoyment of doing things with taking responsibility for the safety of the bottom.

3) Sadists enjoy people in pain no matter what the circumstance. No a sadist enjoys inflicting pain of some type on a person. There has to be direct involvement. If you ever want to see a barely five foot and a hundred pound Buddhist passivist ready to throw down just ask me if being a doctor and choosing to work in an ER is because I get pleasure when people come in to the ER in pain. Because that is just sick!

When you read or hear a sadist talking about enjoying a film clip, story or some other thing where they are absent from it but it resulted in pain for someone it is not a core reaction from our sadism. The person is in essence daydreaming with a source of outside stimuli much like someone masturbating to pornography.

There is such a thing as a mentally healthy and sane person who is a sadist. The main things separating us from the unhealthy sadist are with a willing participant and desire to cause no harm, just like any other sane and good person in this life.

A peak into my mind as a sadist

I do not think inflict pain 24/7 and to everyone that pops into my head. I do not ever yearn to inflict pain to anyone that is not my significant other when a person is present outside of a sexual situation sometimes. My sadistic thoughts, feelings and reactions can be just amusing/fun, pleasure to communicate/demonstrate my control/power over my slave and sexually arousing. Sometimes these things can be separate and sometimes they can be combined.

I have never found I build up some tolerance and need bigger and more intense pain things inflicted on my slave. The slave’s reactions are really are all that is needed. But the critical thing for my enjoyment is that my man thoughts and reactions are in regards to me personally inflicting him with pain. I do not attain much pleasure if I feel the slave fears the situation or the toy more and associates that with his pain.

So for example this weekend I introduced Dave to the wonderful toy of a cane as while he had some experience he had never had a cane used on him. What happen turned more into a practice and learning thing then getting myself worked up from the pain inflicted on him. The reason why the cane was was where his fear was focused and therefore his head. After a few times it will no longer be about the cane but the fact I am holding the cane and that is when it will be sadistically yummy. That when both mental or physical pain the focus and thoughts go toward me as the cause of the pain and that delicious combination of my man in pain combined with our love being interwoven with each other is just simply the spice of life.

Mental can work just as well and for me personally it can be the most pleasurable. This is why I am big on cuckolding and watersports as both plays more in the mind with my man. For example I have been seeing Dave for several months now and we have both communicate the “I love you” for readers to understand we are seriously a couple into each other. He lives roughly forty-five minutes away and since my schedule has me with no regular day off schedule typically we spend weekends together at my place and I go to see him once or more during the week. Pretty much most times we see each other he has gotten lucky for reasons not relevant to the dynamic or this topic. But I have not done much sexual torment over time like I would enjoy doing.

But this weekend was different as I teased and denied him all weekend under the promise of Sunday afternoon maybe I would take care of him. Well Sunday morning came and a male friend called me up and my sadism perked up and I inviting him over for some fun. Then I ordered Dave to head on back to his home unfulfilled and playing it up from the moment I got off the phone to shutting the front door.  Now I do not think it is a coincidence that I did not torment him by withholding sexual pleasure and rub salt into the wound until we had developed feelings for each other and enough time has been spent he had certain expectations from previous actions. Because my sadism kicks in and intensifies the more I have feelings for a man and the more I know he is into me.

Sunday afternoon my friend Matt was the benefit of my sadistic pleasure gained by my lover and slave. Of course I had to call him up after and tell him just what a great time I had with a man that was suppose to be him. It is a gift that can keep on giving.

First Sadisitc Action

I remember it like it was yesterday when I first acted on my sadistic desires. I was in high school with my high school sweetheart that I dated for two and a half years. Now I had always thought and maybe even wanting to see what happens when you hurt a man in his groin but it had seemingly never crossed my mind to do a live experiment on it. So one ordinary afternoon after school I am with my guy and we are kissing each other standing up then like an out of body experience I just go off and knee him fairly hard in his groin.

Now I had thoughts and feelings after I did it of oh no and what did I just do but those thoughts and feelings were completely dominated and dwarfed by uncontrollable laughing and an intense arousal seeing him on the floor moaning and his eyes slowly tearing up. It was super intense. Then something else happen that might of thankfully lead me down the path of power exchange and dominating my partner. What one would think would be a lot of yelling by him after he recovered and me apologizing it turned into him by the time I left him being more into me and for me thinking I could do anything to him and he would still want to be with me and really enjoying that thought.

If it were not for power exchange relationships I probably would be an awful confusing and bad significant other. On the one hand I am very unselfish and enjoy seeing my other deeply sexually satisfied. I enjoy cooking and have always been willing to meet my other in doing the dutiful spouse stuff. I have never had a significant other complain about the lack of sex or not having enough time to hang out with their friends. When first getting into this life in college I was told I give way too many blow jobs to be dominant like a dominant cannot like to get a guy off with their mouth.

But on the other hand I have always controlled the man I am with not by using the weapon of sex withholding but always with an attitude and manipulation of you better do this or you will most certainly be sorry and not having any patience for if I think something is best done out of working it through my brain and the man wants something different. I tend to be really good at taking in all the factors into something but when decision time comes I am absolute with zealot commitment.