The Mythical Alpha Submissive

One of our problems as a group when we communicate about the life we often assign tasks and personality traits by classifying them between dominant and submissive. For most of these things this is just idiotic. For example pretty much anything thought of domestic is often labeled a submissive task and of course the thought of  someone submissive being a passive human being and not capable of anything but some low ranking support job. Of course from an individual standpoint we know these thoughts are asinine. But this is a subject for some other time but did want to mention for the record these thoughts are stupid. My slave is a business owner my ex was a surgeon and they are often king of the work alphas.

Another issue that is a problem is when we discuss this life, especially or shall I write exponentially in femdom, is we discuss it in terms of specific actions or all about the submissive thoughts and behaviors. How many times does one have to hear or read about the submissive obedience, serving and putting their dominants desires over their own, but how many times do we ever mention the thoughts and responsibilities from the big picture of the dominant. I mean sure you get the duh lame obvious ones, keep the slave healthy, happy and be responsible for them but I ask all those reading this how many times have you heard in connection with femdom the female’s daily thoughts and responsibilities that are more day to day?

These responsibilities which I have mentioned many times and probably should write specifically on them one day are what submissives crave and seek out when interested and find the best fit in a significant power exchange relationship. We are talking the good old things such as leadership, inspiration, direction and possibly the most important thing direct open communication of what their mistress is thinking and wanting. Where do you hear about mistresses discussing such things… No seriously where do you because I rarely find it!

To me this is the sibling to the myth of the selfless submissive that collectively makes femdom so frustrating to many sincere submissive men and yes, sincere female dominants. It is why when one wants to read about the power dynamic sometimes the best places to read are anywhere but where female dominants communicate in cyber. Why is this? Well four reasons.

1) Society standards

This is the huge one unfortunately. Society has males taking the lead in pretty much anything including defending women. A woman who is take charge and sticks up for herself in a forceful manner is often labeled a bitch. Heck even in the last half of the twentieth century with feminism and equal rights going strong we women still embraced the male initiate contact, pay for dates and lead the relationship. By the way but sorry fellows and especially male submissives but this is probably not going to change.

But outside superficial stuff has always been that way but the inside behind closed doors has always had more equality in it. After all there is a reason we have the word henpecked. So while the public hurdle is quite high the fact is in our personal relationships the bar is not nearly as high. While most women meant for regular relationships go gaga for alpha males the ones that are happy and in a loving relationship with those alphas know they are not leading anything in their relationships.

2) Woman playing at being dominant

These are the women that are promoting the male submissive as a selfless human being that should have no needs other then spoiling their mistress. These women tend to be damaged for various reasons with the most common characteristics of middle aged and bitterly divorced. Why they are playing dominant is because they have zero alpha in them and very much want an alpha male, but they just want the perfect alpha male who will mind read and spoil them. They simply have no ability to lead.

3) Sincere and/or experienced mistresses

We are very guilty of not so much promoting these myths but by lack of calling out the myths and especially the female dominant players. Why does this happen? My guess is that in some combination of females sticking together, our own weariness of males being too kink and sex focused and the enjoyment of discussions of being spoiled make us give them a free pass. But the repercussions of our failure to confront these myths and the female players is that it gives their views air to breath and overwhelms reality based femdom.

4)  Male submissives not growing a backbone

I am stealing this from my slave who brought this to my attention. He noted to me which once I took notice I was stunned by how he was so dead on. His observation was that male submissives live to rip other male submissives or see them ripped by female dominants and it makes them feel like they are the “true” submissives. I mean just in this past month I have seen males argue that the longest a man can be chaste without a device and being/embracing feminization as the only way to be able to truly serve on a message board.

This and along with the play acting required by the female players in order for them to pay attention has rendered far too high a percentage of male submissives as spineless actors. They play a role of the fictional selfless male all about a woman that comes off unbelievable fake and insincere to a sincere reality based mistress. These men are in effect supporting the myth that hurts them the most.

The cyber created mythical alpha submissive (thanks again to my slave for giving me this term)

In the past year that I have jumped back into this life in a public way I bounced between being mad or laughing at what far too high a percentage of women calling themselves dominant and wanting a female led relationship actually describe in what they are wanting in a man. The women want to retain all beta like characteristics while finding an alpha male who will spoil them and pretty much always described as they will focus on them, read their minds and do things that spoil them, give them lots of attention and make their life easier. Pretty much want a man to work hard and bring good money home, do most of the domestic work and spoil them with attention and entertainment all the while they may or may not do kinky things but do not expect actual leadership, assertiveness and direct communication in the relationship dynamic.

My slave and I enjoy or get flustered by a certain female dominant player that we kind of bonded over for private reasons. Anyway this woman probably displays the most obvious signs of having Narcissistic Personality Disorder that I have ever seen from someone online, but that is neither here nor there. My slave pointed to me this morning a journal entry that this woman had written recently. The journal entry was one long and repetitive communication of she was not a take charge and order dominant but expected a male submissive to be assertive and proactive in his focus on her and doing things that she would like and needed to be done. She saw her duty as pretty much just point out things about him and what he was doing that needed correcting. This is what the rest of call sitting on our ass and contributing nothing. Now she is probably a narcissist and by disorder attention always on her, does nothing for others and no empathy is hard wired. But still the irony of claiming herself a dominant and wanting a female LED relationship is still somewhat offensive to me.

Exactly where is this leadership, inspiration and direct communication of what she wants and feels both big picture and in the moments?

We are always a mixture

As I started off in this post we are all not one note. We are not all passive and cannot think for ourselves or are we assertive and give directions/orders for everything in life. We as dominants and submissives can have jobs that if we stereotype falsely can look as alpha or beta type jobs that do not match up to our relationship dynamic choice.

But if we want to be the dominant in the relationship we cannot justify or just be in denial of what that is going to involve. We must lead in the relationship in an assertive and take charge way the more significant the power exchange is going to be. This also goes the other way that a male submissive must be willing to be led!

As I have written before and will write many times in this blog. A person willing and wanting to spoil their significant other and put their desires over their own is not the main and certainly not the only requirement to be a submissive in a power exchange relationship. There simply is no person not willing or enjoys being spoiled regardless of gender that they cannot find someone in the regular world. Throw in the fact on how much easier it is to find regular people then the thought should venture into the area of absurdity.

There is no such thing as an alpha submissive the take charge of the relationship and spoil and devote their life toward mind reading what their other desires. Even the most macho and most outwardly alpha out in the job world if they are submissive desire in their personal relationship to not be the take charge one. Any female who justifies to claim being a sincere dominant and not accepting their ACTIVE leadership responsibility is a fraud and doomed to failure. This does not mean 24/7 and everything everyday in the relationship but it will be most things most days. This does not mean always embracing and being happy and energized about doing so but it does mean accepting this as our responsibility and duty in a femdom relationship if one is sincere and grasps the concept of equal effort.