FAQ: More Me

Thought I would take a break from the chastity postings and do something short and answer a few common questions I have gotten over time that popped into my head for various reasons.

Why do you use pretty crude words fairly easy like cock, pussy and piss?

For many of you it might be surprising that indeed I have gotten this question three times since starting the blog and back in the day of my local community participation got it quite a bit. It is quite amazing that a man wants someone like me to sit on their face and wiggle amongst other things but still cannot handle women who can express themselves verbally or in words sexually.

I could go on about equality, reality, direct communication and the modern world but at the core of my being direct with using these words is a simple psychological trick. As a doctor and maybe as one that works in an ER I spend many hours using the medically correct terms like breast, penis, scrotum and vagina among the many. Throw in where I work being indirect and take five words when one word will do is not a good way to go. So quite simply I am use to being direct and like to be able to remove the doctor in me when talking about sex and kink.

Trust me having to exam rape victims I want to remove the meaning of the medical terms in my personal life by referring to the slang.

Why did you become a doctor and why the emergency medicine?

Nurture and nature as it is all I knew. Mom is a RN and my dad is a doctor. Both worked in the same hospital which was therefore somewhat a pivotal part of growing up. I am a total Daddy’s girl right down to be burdened by becoming a Cubs fan for all the games I attended with him. The highlight of my fifteenth birthday was my mom taking me to the hospital to sign up to volunteer as fifteen being the age limit. I only have known wanting to be a doctor and work at a hospital.

My first choice heading into medical school was to be an oncologist shockingly the same as my dad. But when I battled cancer and survived but was left with a not so pleasant long term look out I just lost interest/could not handle dealing with cancer everyday and need to escape as best as I can. During med school when I got exposed to an ER I simply knew I had found my place and never have looked back.

Does your sex tend to be of the kinky variety with your slave or mostly regular and on occasion kinky?

First I have never quite figured out what was exactly kinky sex to a certain extent. I mean some people think anal sex is kinky and some think whatever. The best way to answer this is most actual sex things being done would be things that “regular” people do. Now a lot of foreplay/getting in the mood might be on the kinky side. I mean I have a slave I get to do what I want with, I am a sadist and I am not in the power exchange life to copy a regular life. One of my motivations to writing this blog was to shout from a pedestal that there are dominant women who do the kinky things because they truly love to do them and not out of doing them to keep getting spoiled and for free labor.

Now when some extended kinky thing is being done and/or something intense that goes into domination and leads to something sexual then more often then not I would classify kinky sex. Things like fucking my man while he is tied up or he is doing me or eating me out while wearing woman’s lingerie and things like that.

But most of life my favorite abuses of my power are for things like forced cuddle time and massages that magically end up sexual somehow.

Politics of Sadism Part II

Yes indeed inflicting pain of some type on my other is immensely pleasurable from a pure emotional or sexual reaction.

When people often discuss sadism in an attempt to discuss people like me they often are very much hit and miss with the facts. Some do it out of complete ignorance and as discussed in part one self serving beliefs. Others choose way outdated definitions or screw up trying to recall way back when learning or simply read through something way too fast. Finally there are people hiding in cyber thinking they are all that that write in some haste the first thing that pops into their head and then feel the need to defend the fact they have to be right then any actual discussion or truths.

Here are the most common myths when sadism is discussed:

1) Sadism is under the umbrella of being a sociopath or is just a characteristic of one. I am not sure why this happens so often. It maybe because they are in the same cluster when reading up on personality types and traits and it confuses people, it helps the fear mongers to want to think that or any other way but often you will hear people mention them that you cannot have one without the other or sadism is a trait of a sociopath.

People can have more then one main personality issue when discussing the unhealthy mental health of someone. It is true that sadism can very well be more common then many other types that a sociopath may have in addition to being sociopath. But sadism and sociopath is not a mutually inclusive thing.

2) Sadists lack empathy. This goes with #1. Sociopaths do not have empathy. Sadists certainly can and do, especially us healthy ones! The two most common personality disorders that lack of empathy is prevalent is of a sociopath and a narcissist. If all types of sadist did indeed lack empathy then we would be too dangerous to play with. People in the BDSM life do things that on occasion or often that the bottom experiences difficulty or does not enjoy. We are not quick to label some one a sociopath and lacks empathy if we chastise a man for a period of time or do some mutually agreed to rape scene to a submissive woman. Well a healthy sadist is no different from any other top that balances enjoyment of doing things with taking responsibility for the safety of the bottom.

3) Sadists enjoy people in pain no matter what the circumstance. No a sadist enjoys inflicting pain of some type on a person. There has to be direct involvement. If you ever want to see a barely five foot and a hundred pound Buddhist passivist ready to throw down just ask me if being a doctor and choosing to work in an ER is because I get pleasure when people come in to the ER in pain. Because that is just sick!

When you read or hear a sadist talking about enjoying a film clip, story or some other thing where they are absent from it but it resulted in pain for someone it is not a core reaction from our sadism. The person is in essence daydreaming with a source of outside stimuli much like someone masturbating to pornography.

There is such a thing as a mentally healthy and sane person who is a sadist. The main things separating us from the unhealthy sadist are with a willing participant and desire to cause no harm, just like any other sane and good person in this life.

A peak into my mind as a sadist

I do not think inflict pain 24/7 and to everyone that pops into my head. I do not ever yearn to inflict pain to anyone that is not my significant other when a person is present outside of a sexual situation sometimes. My sadistic thoughts, feelings and reactions can be just amusing/fun, pleasure to communicate/demonstrate my control/power over my slave and sexually arousing. Sometimes these things can be separate and sometimes they can be combined.

I have never found I build up some tolerance and need bigger and more intense pain things inflicted on my slave. The slave’s reactions are really are all that is needed. But the critical thing for my enjoyment is that my man thoughts and reactions are in regards to me personally inflicting him with pain. I do not attain much pleasure if I feel the slave fears the situation or the toy more and associates that with his pain.

So for example this weekend I introduced Dave to the wonderful toy of a cane as while he had some experience he had never had a cane used on him. What happen turned more into a practice and learning thing then getting myself worked up from the pain inflicted on him. The reason why the cane was was where his fear was focused and therefore his head. After a few times it will no longer be about the cane but the fact I am holding the cane and that is when it will be sadistically yummy. That when both mental or physical pain the focus and thoughts go toward me as the cause of the pain and that delicious combination of my man in pain combined with our love being interwoven with each other is just simply the spice of life.

Mental can work just as well and for me personally it can be the most pleasurable. This is why I am big on cuckolding and watersports as both plays more in the mind with my man. For example I have been seeing Dave for several months now and we have both communicate the “I love you” for readers to understand we are seriously a couple into each other. He lives roughly forty-five minutes away and since my schedule has me with no regular day off schedule typically we spend weekends together at my place and I go to see him once or more during the week. Pretty much most times we see each other he has gotten lucky for reasons not relevant to the dynamic or this topic. But I have not done much sexual torment over time like I would enjoy doing.

But this weekend was different as I teased and denied him all weekend under the promise of Sunday afternoon maybe I would take care of him. Well Sunday morning came and a male friend called me up and my sadism perked up and I inviting him over for some fun. Then I ordered Dave to head on back to his home unfulfilled and playing it up from the moment I got off the phone to shutting the front door.  Now I do not think it is a coincidence that I did not torment him by withholding sexual pleasure and rub salt into the wound until we had developed feelings for each other and enough time has been spent he had certain expectations from previous actions. Because my sadism kicks in and intensifies the more I have feelings for a man and the more I know he is into me.

Sunday afternoon my friend Matt was the benefit of my sadistic pleasure gained by my lover and slave. Of course I had to call him up after and tell him just what a great time I had with a man that was suppose to be him. It is a gift that can keep on giving.

Who is Jen?

Who in the heck is writing this crap?

I am a thirty-six year old woman. I am Asian with 50% of me being first generation American. I am a doctor that specializes in emergency medicine also known as an ER doc. I was born and raised in Chicago and spent most of my adult life after med school in Denver until moving to Kansas City in 2009.

I have been in the power exchange life officially since I was nineteen. Unofficially I like many had these desires within me a lot longer and in fact in high school I was in a two and half year relationship with a boy that I basically totally dominated and cuckolded. At the time of course had no concept of what we were doing or any of the terms we use in this life. I have had one long term relationship and was married to my slave for ten years. I am currently in a new and wonderful relationship with a man who does it for me in every way and life is looking awesome.

I have local community experience but no longer enjoy that area at all. I will or have written about this depending on when you are reading this. I am not against local communities but they are very limiting, pander to lowest common denominator both in terms of kinky things and dominant/submissive levels and tend to draw sheep people that confuse a social life with doing this as a personal life where they go out to share this. At the same time though cyber femdom is just horrific in its misrepresentations and female players posing as dominants that I always recommend to male subs to at least start with their local community to have a better idea and be exposed to actual female dominants that cannot hide behind their computers deluding themselves.

I am a cancer survivor. I was diagnosed when I was twenty-three with stage three ovarian cancer. This has impacted my life greatly both in positive and negative ways. It eventually cost me my marriage and I am unable to have children but at the same time because of it I discovered Buddhism and have been a student and tried to do my best to practice things learned ever since. It has been a huge blessing in my life and which may show up in this blog and also my failings as a Buddhist as well for all those reading this that are Buddhist too.

I am a female dominant from it is me and I live it 24/7 which is not 24/7 action but 24/7 in terms of mentally and wearing of one hat and not several. I do not have a dungeon for that very purpose as I like and need to play when and where I want and not care for dungeons as they send a message of now we are playing now we are normal type thoughts. I do very much cuckold my slave and have been actively doing that since high school as written above. I am a sadist I truly love, lust, enjoy and amused by inflicting pain whether physical or mental on my slave or just see him struggle.

Normal interests and activities include skiing, sailing, baseball and traveling.

About this Blog

What type of topics and other things I will be writing about in this blog:

Obviously the blog experience opens one up to write about just anything and to make specific things and hold myself up to them would be setting myself up to be a big old hypocrite. But here are some thoughts to motivation to write a blog, my interests, thought and writing styles and what I want to put out there.

I will of course write about Mistress/slave power exchange relationships from a theory/general style with personal information and stories scattered in. I want to be a voice that is positive and from a Mistress who has lived this life in long term and real life situations. A Mistress that is passionate for the life the kinky things and still shows a real life and loving dynamic with my other.

I will write on specific kinky things.

I will write on two fetishes that are of a particular interest of mine that get either minimal attention, misrepresented by cyber players and fiction and fear mongers who are not interested in them so therefore they need to be demonized. The two fetishes are cuckolding and watersports.

I will write on how this life is impacted by cyber and in particular people seeking out their other in cyber. I have experienced it both the ways I see it. One time I went looking when I was not ready and another time when I was ready and dealt with men in an honest way.

I will be an advocate for submissive men that are not allowed a voice because of the influence cyber has that has made opinions and desires to often be masked for fear of being labeled selfish and do me subs. I will call out the cyber fakes and dreamers that are having too big of an influence in femdom that hurt and destroy honest communication and people connecting and living this life.

I will call out the errors of many males proclaiming to be subs and point out thoughts and mindsets that are the main reason for their failure of finding a Mistress or getting into bad relationships.

I will sometimes talk about regular things.

I am a pretty hardcore sadist. We often have to hide from and lie to the lowest common denominator that are into this life. I hope as a woman and being open about my actual sadistic feelings and desires that I can be an advocate to more honest communication and acceptance of actual sadism.

What this blog will not have:

I will not recap my sexual adventures. I will not write about every little kinky thing I do to my slave or when I fuck other men. You may get summarized things, quick recaps and even sometimes somewhat detailed if I am out to show something but I am not going to write to get people aroused intentionally.

I will not dwell deeply in my day to day moods and feelings. I cannot stand others that do that in blog form and will keep this free of that.

I will not feel pressure to post a certain amount of times a week or month. I hope to have regular postings that this blog does not have long stretches of nothing new but I will not write just to write. I am hoping, not guaranteeing, quality over quantity.

I will not be selling or promoting anything. This blog is about my life, learning’s and beliefs. I speak from one's view and even if I write in an all knowing theme that is not really what I believe. I do not believe in gross generalizations and one way stuff and any communication to that affect by me is just poor writing and mistakenly believing my passion of my view for my thinking in absolutes.

I will not be posting pictures of myself or others to draw males in. either the written words have merit or they do not.

Please feel free to comment, good or bad, suggest and ask questions. I welcome any type of feedback. Please do not suck up or try to get me to date you or see you. I am happy in my relationship and I am a one slave Mistress.