Happy vs Happy

At what price do we use others to get what we want even when it will be fleeting?

Let me finish with this topic as my third post in an unplanned trilogy of posts including the Selfless is a Myth and Manipulation isDelusional. In these things are comments and thoughts in a big picture way about doing things or trying to avoid things out of personal desires and wishes. We make up convenient beliefs and manifestos that benefit what we want to try to manipulate others to fit us or the game of pretending to be a great submissive and especially slave one must be selfless. It still leads down to what I have written in my blog that sounds very confusing for someone who is the submissive in a power exchange relationship. What is the difference or is there a difference between wanting/needing the mistress to be happy out of just in general or because they make the slave happy and therefore want that to continue.

Splitting Hairs?

One of the ways Buddhists can discuss what love is about is to accept who we love for who they are and not what they do for us or anything else that in essence we objectify them. So for example a rich man loves his trophy wife because he enjoys making others envious of him a Buddhist would not consider that love. An examples of power exchange would be a mistress focused on how good the submissive’s domestic skills and wallet size might be or a submissive who is obsessed with being feminized by a mistress. If they love them mainly because they do this for them then one would not say they love them for who they are but what they do for me.

But, and some might already have had this pop into your heads, is not what another does somewhat key in how we feel about them and therefore the Buddhist point is just theoretical mumbo jumbo? Well it is often a great source of a debate when talked about that is for sure. But there are distinct differences and they lie in what I have been talking about in the previous posts.

Compatibility and realistic desires and intentions

The difference between loving someone for who they are and loving what they do and make us feel lies with compatibility and not forcing one or both to put on a fake mask in order to get what we desire and need. In other words a mistress may demand their slave do all the cooking and cleaning but if she does this just to act like a mistress or the slave hates and resents doing all of it but does it so he can get something he wants then one is not there out of love.

Now this is not about taking each and everything we do in life and assigning them in terms of want to do them or not do them and figuring out the reasons. After all everyone in life that has any empathy and limited resources such as time and money does things on more then a daily basis that we would prefer not doing and this includes things in our relationships. But what the Buddhist are asking is for a person to take a step back and think basically if I am only doing this because or if they were not to do that then would I type thoughts. Basically in short do we through our own means try to manipulate or use the other person to be something they are not in order to want to be with them or are we on the other side of this?

Force is one of those tainted words when we talk about power exchange. Because many that practice oppose the word as being scary and more likely do not actually have power exchange in their relationship. But of course many that do have power exchange in their relationship and force is a very good thing. It though still is about compatibility and the big picture in terms of when doing the things we find less pleasant in our lives and/or not in the moment feel but the responsibility is still on us is it for the greater good or does it slowly erode the greater good and build resentment with the other until the relationship crumbles. For many in power exchange of course this can be tricky as force, domination and suffering in the moment brings great pleasure overall and this includes dominants as well. For example having to lead and make decisions when we do not want to but know it is our responsibility to.

My point being when there are one way manifestos, unwillingness to accept the other person for who they are needs and desires included. When we suffer through with no benefit but just to get something, then we are not accepting the other for who they are but what we want from them. While one or two people can keep wearing the masks whether manipulated to put on or we wear voluntarily that only delays the inevitable that something is wrong and one or both are not accepting one or both for who they are but just what they can do for me.

How and where does this occur in power exchange relationships?

Where this occurs is what I have written about in this trilogy. It is when we regardless of role or gender decide to believe in one way truisms in order to manipulate people. It is the slave has only one need and that is to please and obey their owner. It is coming up with crazy ideas about long term chastity without any effort to torment, humiliate and focus on the chastity for a man that has a healthy sex drive because the dominant does not enjoy sex.  But submissives can be just as insincere and manipulative when they play the I wan that to or I think I can be this in order to get with anyone except trying for the right one.

How it occurs is simply often the case of too soon or too late. Whether a mistress wants her house cleaned so she jumps on the chance of a man that peaks her interest or whether a submissive looking for something kinky says anything and tries anything to get it then in both cases the other has objectified the other and have contaminated their judgment of the other. In terms of too late the most common is when a person from either roles wants to establish a relationship and have invested in the relationship to the amount of developing strong feelings but have not done any power exchange yet. At this time one or both have invested too much in the relationship leaving them vulnerable to wearing that fake mask in order to try to make the other happy.

For us to be happy in a long term healthy and loving relationship the only way is to be accepting of the one we are with for who they are. For those who choose to manipulate another that can range from delusional wishful thinking to abuse and for those who try to be something they are not in order to make the other happy is the yang to the former yin. We have a choice in the power exchange life just as we have a choice in any other relationship dynamic, to deal with the realities of a human being or be eternally frustrated, manipulating and lonely by projecting what we cannot maintain or think we can get someone else to.


Promise a more fun and upbeat post for the next time as I am tired of this area as much as some of you must be tired of reading it! 

Manipulation is Delusional

Convenient Manifestos: The foolishness of trying to change the reality of the world when the reality of it does not work for you.

This is a repost of a journal entry on my Collarme profile. I thought it was a nice companion piece from my Selfless is a Myth post. It has been edited to make it more independent of Collarme and the more single topic of female dominants looking for no sex slaves in a committed relationship to any type of delusional manifesto preaching to try to get the masses to come to them with the former being the example.

There is a lot of manipulation that goes on in this life when people talk about it and specifically go after finding their other in it. It transcends role or gender. Dominant can often be way more in your face with these manipulations as often take just what they want and proclaim it the right way and any real/true dominant or submissive should therefore be [insert what they want]. Submissives can be as bad but are often subtler and usually just use the phrase “the person I submit to will be” or something like that to get what they want.

The key to having happiness in your life as much as possible is being self aware and understanding and respecting the reality of life which includes other people. Taking this to relationships it is critical to understanding that people and genders can be different in a few things and to respect that.

Now to me I am always reminded of this when I see female dominants create and promote a manifesto that sex is irrelevant to a power exchange relationship. Most humans crave some form of intimacy and we all have sex drives from none (asexual) to high. Often the human being feels intimacy in a sexual way or being real intimacy often leads to sex or sex often leads to intimacy in terms of how we normally interact as human beings. For most of us on the planet our need for intimacy with our lover and our sex drive are fairly even that gaps are not that noticeable. But for those that need intimacy but with low or no sex drives or people with high sex drives but low need for intimacy problems can be great.

There are female dominants out there that come to this life because they have significantly low or no sex drive. This life appeals to them for many reasons but one is the manipulation of if I have power I can control sex and not have it while still having intimacy often created maybe from an S&M scene but often by having a man do things for them out of their love and devotion to them. Is there anything wrong with this? Absolutely no!

But the problem comes when they try to manipulate people that are not compatible into their way. It is difficult to be self aware and face the truth of the personal situation and the realities of life and other people. There is after all a societal judgment thought about for people who presents themselves to not liking sex. Therefore it is simply easier to manipulate others into your way is the right way then face the truth of being in a very small minority.

It is easy to say men only think with their dick and mean it as a put down. The reality of life men thinking with their dick is a big thing but just not the only thought. For dominants like me that are very sexual in nature it can make controlling a man so easy when we accept and embrace this reality. It is unfortunate but many female dominants with low or no sex drives or get their sex elsewhere so they are just seeking service subs choose to manipulate into serious delusion that a male submissive just should never think with his cock and any sex drive is irrelevant.

People that are in a spot to have happiness and love in their life from being with another person is someone that can be self aware of who they fit and accept people for who they are and not what we want them to be. For instance I have a high sex drive and it is not a coincidence that I do not like any type of long term chastity and very much enjoy cuckolding my slave. A female dominant with a low sex drive might be happier to have long term chastity for their male but probably will not be into cuckolding.  I would not be compatible with a man with little or no sex drive and the latter would not be compatible with one with a high sex drive.

So you see female dominants with low or no sex drive speak out constantly about loser horny men posing as subs because they need to manipulate their thoughts and beliefs into a delusional theory of sex is not important for people and therefore especially real/true male submissives. The submissive version of this manipulation is with men with low or no sex drives or other sexual dysfunction seek out long term chastity and inform people that real Mistresses keep slave chastised and cuckold them.  (Please note I am specifically referring to men that are drawn because of their abnormal low sex drive and therefore try to hide it by being chastised. There are plenty of men with normal or high sex drives that find chastity a great thing. Their requirements for it to work are far different then these men and require a far different mistress then a low or no sex drive mistress.)

If you look close enough these manifesto people are everywhere in all roles and genders. While this post focused on a common female dominant false manifesto there are all types from all groups. These manifestos will appear everywhere from online personals, message boards and blogs like mine but they can be often present in local communities as well. Many, not all, local community cliques have been formed by a few people believing one thing and seeing a majority dismiss it.

The problem is not as much serious because of the delusion being so life limiting but many times these manifestos are real big compatible issues. So getting back to the female dominant with little or no sex drive might be motivated to create manifestos, rules, guidelines all focused on minimalizing sexual and kinky stuff. To make them off limits when talking about things and to always hark in a way that they clearly want to diminish them as an expectation to people they are interested in.

These people often show frustration from the delusion though because they have failed to be honest with themselves. What people do when they develop these false manifestos is take a big issue they have that goes against the norm and try to force others to deal with it instead of themselves. Back to the example I have been using, the asexual dominant is not alone or had a string of short term relationships that did not turn into anything because of their sex drives or other sexual issues. But their failure is the fact they fail to recognize that they are not in the normal area and when they try to manipulate people with healthy sex drives that this will end up in failure. Instead they need to be honest with themselves and start being honest with finding their other by acknowledging this aspect and look for someone right up front compatible.

When some writes to them a one note truism that goes against basic human drives and behaviors like “Sex is not important in a power exchange relationship” or “chastity can direct sexual needs into slave obedience and service” it is often a manifesto of wishful thinking. A person spouting manifestos may or may not be dangerous and mentally healthy. But they are very much trying to manipulate others to buy into their thoughts because it is what they need and have grown frustrated in life by the fact they are not the rule but more of the exception. But instead of accepting this and dealing with knowing it will limit to a very tiny percentage of people compatible or working on the issue so they can do and be happy with the more mainstream desires they in a form of denial try to make the mainstream change for them.