Reward Versus Disappointment

The dangerous practice of depending on reward for obedience and how it goes against message.

As a dominant have you truly been made giddy, aroused and deeply touched by your hand spanking a slave’s ass? Feeling their bare skin, seeing it become red and bruised and hearing their yelps and screams and you submissives have you experience the difference between a dominant that does it out of enjoyment on their end or doing it because they know or think that is what you want?

I am not a big fan of the very popular and utilized tool of reward for obedience and good behavior. To me this tactic is nothing more then jump through hoops for me and I will give you a treat. Female dominants often obsess at preaching about and wanting submissives that are selfless and need to please their Mistress. To me this technique goes against that wish completely. This style of domination makes the kinky things the focus and motivation for obedience and not the love of their Mistress. This style re-enforces selfish thoughts and behaviors instead of basking in the delight of your Mistress gets in your service to her.

Is it not either a fine line or just a definition disagreement between a strong reward system style and withholding fun and sexual stuff for disobedience and other poor behavior type things?

No it is a monstrous gap between the two things. It comes down to passion for the dynamic and compatibility. As I wrote above a dominant getting great pleasure in a kinky thing like spanking that if things like that are absent in the power exchange then long term it spells big doom.

We all have had many similar experiences where we were particularly really looking forward in doing something. Maybe a concert to attend, a weekend get away, a social event and things that we thought were going to be a blast and to have them totally ruined by the person(s) we were attending them with were so the opposite of what you are feeling and therefore so negative and energy draining in their words and actions it destroyed it for you. Let us call it the wet noodle situation.

Well you cannot fake enjoyment and pleasure in doing something on a long term situation if you are a female dominant. You either have to like the things you do to your slave on your own or your slave will soon learn and get no enjoyment if anything they enjoy is done only out of reward for being obedient.

Passion communicated is food for a slave and stakes being stated.

The reason why doing kinky things communicated strongly in the mode of reward is doomed for failure in long term relationships and not splitting hairs the other way(s) to do things comes down to controlling a slave’s brain and using their natural thoughts and desires. If the impression over time is given that kinky, sexual or really anything a dominant puts on a reward contingent then often more then not the simple fact is obvious and soul crushing to a slave, my Mistress does not really enjoy these things and just does them to keep me around. Do you see where this thought and a submissive who yearns to make a Mistress happy bump into each other?

But if a Mistress can communicate a passion and enjoyment for the kinky, sexual and other things that both enjoy in the power exchange dynamic that depend on obedience of the slave it no longer is about reward but about excitement of getting to do them for their Mistress. It is about obeying and doing everything to please the Mistress so not only the slave has some fun but not to screw up causing her not to play and therefore causing her not to have any fun!

We want unselfish and considerate slaves who need to please us. To get one we have to understand that does not get turned on and off and our desires and intentions must be pure as well. Communicating by our actions or downright believing that doing things for a slaves pleasure is only for rewards to them and not out of are enjoyment in doing them is problematic and far more attractive to selfish do me subs then awesome deeply submissive slaves.