Foolish assumptions and my reality

I have actively cuckolded in the past and will do so in the future I have had many men and women inquire about my concerns of safety, concerns of how far to take it and other normal fearful thoughts. Like most anything in life there is not one path that is the best and safe to take but we all have our own paths we must walk. Unfortunately most human beings always try to view others by how they are and this leads to many false assumptions. So I write this to show you how my path is in and around the area of safety and how I practice cuckolding my man.

The main wrong assumption is caused by a combination of fear and projection that makes every one assume to sleep with other men is to pick up strangers off the internet and at bars and along with this the fear of getting an STD. It is so common and to me very frustrating. It is common thought because most men and women so fearful of this blowing up in their face can only imagine doing something like this often with complete or near complete strangers to create a world of plausible deniability. This is not me, not that I am opposed to or never do relative strangers but that is more the exception to the rule with me.

Here is my world and not a fear or fantasy developed world:

1) I am a sadist on a pretty hard core level. I like people knowing I step out on my man. I like thinking or knowing that some people who know me think why does she do that to her man. Yes, some people will treat me badly because of it but for a far majority it is a benefit more then a problem. For one, more people will be up front with me and make it easier to find people I like to sleep with. Another great benefit was my ex being a very handsome doctor that roughly about 15-20 women throughout the years went to him and out of their “unselfish” motivation felt the need to inform him of my cheating on him. We both very much got off on this form of humiliation he received.

2) I do this in real life and not in cyber fantasy world. This has two components that not only do not get communicated but often are played up on the internet the opposite way in a big way.

- Unprotected sex with someone who is not your slave. I maybe incredibly naïve but in real life I just do not think it happens all that often while on the internet fantasy stories and people proclaiming true stories that are in reality are fantasy stories of unprotected sex and cream pies for their slave to eat up. Does it happen out there, I am sure it does, but not nearly the percent one is to believe if all their information about the life is from cyber.

- That a woman like me will easily fall for another man and leave my guy emotionally. My problem with this is twofold. First an important thing required by someone who cuckolds their man is to reassure and make their man confident that this will never be an issue. Many woman institute things like time and term limits on men so it is irrational to think any feelings could come of the sex. A way I do it personally is to always makes sure fairly soon after to go out of my way to make it known how much I care for my guy. Whether sexual treats or everyday spoiling things like cooking his favorite meal or cookies but some way to show my body is not his totally but my heart is. I know in the vast delusion of cyber a female dominant doing anything nice and heartfelt for a male is rare but in real life it happens like any other good relationship. Second, the thought is completely illogical. Some guy I am banging is probably not remotely submissive, willing to be my slave and let alone be cuckold himself. I am a Mistress because it is who I am and what I prefer to be in my role with my significant other.

3) Let us talk about STDs or what we are really doing when we normally talk about STDs and that is trying to control people or convert them to be like us. We take risks in most things we do in life and for most of us it is simply which risks are worth taking and for the wise people the risks worth taking for them is then is done by trying to minimalize that risk in some way. There is always risk when having sex with another person. There is also risk of driving in your car. I work nightly at an ER as a doctor. A shift never goes by without us having to treat as least one person from an auto accident and more times then not a pretty serious injury. I know two people from their experiences that refuse to drive out of being afraid from this exposure but most of us get in our cars without any issue. I can quote statistics all day long about the safety of sex to what a typical person fills their stomach or lungs with and on and on but it always comes down to if it is something you personally will risk or not.

On a side note most discussing safety and in particular non monogamy in this life are rarely if ever actually talking about safety but are talking about their own self esteem and fears in an illogical way. For the most part sex is used in society to control people and this trickles down to kinky stuff in this life. We as a group do the good people do this and the bad people do that approach to this life. The motivation is never really about safety but about portraying what a person does and has done as being the right way making them better then others and things they do not do are portrayed as unsafe and therefore those who do them portrayed as being bad and dangerous. It has very little to do with safety if one sheds any objective light on the words and attach people to those words. I mean really some smoker that is overweight has any actual integrity telling someone like me to not have sex with anyone? Personally though my favorite are people that are married in long term relationships trying to pretend by their preaching they only had one partner that was their spouse, like when they were not single or if they were single again they did not get laid. I know as a woman at thirty-six I know a whole bunch of woman I have known for a long time that banged a ton of men but talking to them now that they are married they sound like they were virgins on their wedding day.

There are risks in most things we do and this includes sleeping around. There are ways to help reduce the risks but not to eliminate them. This has to be accepted but not confused for someone that over hypes the risks to deflect their other fears and anxieties of sex with others that more often then not are the main reasons.

4) I do not control a man through sex nor does a man control me through it out of fear. Outside of pleasure and procreation the other thing sex is used for is control. It is why a man can nail twenty women before getting married and that is ok but he would never date a woman who was happily nailed by twenty men it is a fear of not having control. Women in marriage tend to use sex to control and the fear of not having sex as control as well. People quite simply that are torn between fantasy of cuckolding and the reality of doing it are often afraid of the losing of this mythical control. Because the reality of cuckolding is to strip away sex from love and even if the man remains monogamous the treatment of sex as not attached to love for a spouse is in the spot light.

Personally I do not have that in me. Whether my natural personality, my sadism, my path in life from embracing Buddhism in a profound way, my active time in the swinging lifestyle and a few strong hedonistic beliefs and who knows what else but I am strongly against controlling a person through sex out of fear and personal insecurities. Even as a female dominant that cuckolds her slave and will use chastity none of those things are used for the primary purpose of keeping a man and making him obey. Yes, I am a huge believer of many of the things Elise Sutton communicates and controlling a man through his cock is a big thing but there is a big difference out of controlling it through lust and what I am writing about, controlling through fear.

One who can and enjoys cuckolding has to be open to not using sex as a method of control through fear. Most, including men, are not willing to do this. For example go to a cuckolding site on the internet and see all the erotic stories and “true” stories written by the men proclaiming to be cuckolds. They almost have one thing in common if you look for it close enough and that is the stories almost always still have them in actual control. They are almost still all about begging their other to do it and them both going out and picking up a man he approves of. The stories maybe cuckolding but the words are that of a man still in control in his mind. Much different then someone like me telling my guy I am going out on a date tonight as a simple statement of fact and for him to deal with it.

5) It does not just have to be about quantity of times or men but with effort in creating and maintaining an atmosphere that is sexual and with cuckolding tones in it can be very pleasurable and make actual times last longer. Again from my viewing of what is often discussed in terms of cuckolding in cyber I see three main ways. 1) A women sleeping with a non stop parade of men. 2) A woman takes on a “lover”. 3) Scene playing that basically ends up a woman picking up a man or bangs a friend every once and awhile like it is for a special occasion only. Nothing wrong with these ways but we often when discussing cuckolding a man focus too much on the sex part and with the men focus way too much on their immediate reactions and any type of involvement of a sexual encounter whether before, during or after. The truth is to cuckold a man for me is to make it not an event based focus or thought but to make it an active and out there part of the relationship dynamic.

One of the pleasures of cuckolding is that even when not actively with another man or there is something planned ahead it can still give and help boost the atmosphere of the power exchange relationship, dominant and submissive feelings and enjoyment for all parties. It is in the words and actions that I can use. It is in the sexual situations I put my slave in. Because of the fact my slave is truly cuckolded and it is not just for fantasy or scene playing it allows a freedom in actions and words that can and for me does broaden our sexual relationship just between us and not in fact limit it like often cyber fiction communicates it to be. I am more likely to get my sadism stroked and get turned on. My slave is not worrying about if I will do it again but can relax knowing I will be doing it again and can focus on and receive his pleasure then having to wait just until next time.