Leadership and Assertiveness

It is always something gosh darn it!

Many male dominants like to call it wisdom. Many female dominants like to call it superiority. I like to call it complete bullshit. What am I referring to? I am referring to the foundation of lies and failure that doom most failed power exchange relationships caused when people in the dominant role fail to provide consistent and ongoing leadership and assertiveness in their relationship.

Why does that have anything to do with wisdom and female superiority thoughts of dominants? Because quite simply the ones that fail at being leaders and assertive in their relationships need to delude themselves into thinking that sitting back and being spoiled does not need a counter balance or a yin/yang thing and instead delude themselves thinking their “greatness” is that thing.

Ask almost any deeply submissive person who is into power exchange about what they crave for and enjoy about serving someone. When we remove kinky things and sex you will almost always get answers pertaining to certainty of what the other wants and freedom from not having to think or worry about the person they care for is thinking or wanting. They want to please the person they care about and here is the tricky part for failed dominants they actually need to know what that is and receive that feedback when doing things.

Unfortunately with cyber and personal sites the words fake, insincere, player and on and on carry too much negativity, anger and frustration from people venting that it is very difficult to try to separate the people truly playing around and the people sincere but clueless and missing vital things to make any Mistress/slave relationship actually work. In this case I am referring to all the dominants that think they can sit back in a relationship and be spoiled, have their slave anticipate their needs and serve them. This is also by the way regardless of being trained by them whether before or after. The fact is to these blind dominants is a main motivation for a slave is to receive direct communication instead of guessing. That is why many want to be slaves in the first place so that uncertainty goes.

I see this constantly with my fellow female dominants. They want to be spoiled, they stress female lead relationships and preach a male sub should only care about their needs. But they are not willing to lead and tell these men what they want that moment or out into any future except for vague wishes and wants. So many want a slave to anticipate them wanting a nice time out on the town on a Saturday nights but do not want to tell their slave what that would be and want a slave to show them when the night comes up. But a slave despises that approach and was drawn to being a slave to avoid crap like that. A slave is drawn and responds to being told something specific like “I want to go to this type of or this restaurant. I want to go dancing here.” Even with a desire to want the slave to think and set up things a much better approach is to request the slave to think about what they can do Saturday night ahead of time and then pick one of them.

I was reading a post on a message board where a female was married and where they started out in an M/s relationship but drifted away from it when the man stopped being proactive. She over her frustration and not getting what she needed confronted him after several years had gone by and they agreed to try again. What did he decide to do? He is just going to write out some rules and things he wants her to do. This will fail and it will fail quickly because he has no interest in providing ongoing leadership and being assertive in a lot of the relationship.

Anyone can call themselves dominant in the hopes of finding someone who will spoil them. But they have to bring something to the relationship that the submissive wants which happens to be consistent and outward assertiveness and leadership. It is the yin to the yang of a power exchange relationship. Thinking one is wise as a natural behavior state or deluding oneself into thinking female superiority is an actual fact and not just fetish fluff are toss away delusions that doom any power exchange relationship that a dominant thinks can substitute for the effort needed on their end.