Judgment: A Slave’s Deadly Disease

Knowing the difference between something important and something irrelevant.

A slave must let their owner lead. When a slave cannot let go of irrelevant judgments and preconceived expectations they in effect turn their owner from a leader into a follower and doom the relationship.

To judge arbitrarily is practically as common to us human beings as breathing. As a Buddhist I have spent a great amount of time trying to remove wrong or completely irrelevant thoughts and judgments from my life and will continue to do so until the day I die. Even with this thought and motivation I will on a daily basis fail miserably at it. For example one pulls up to an ATM machine and the machine is either too low or too high for our car. Many of us then wonder why they cannot get the machine to be the right size. A person may make an obvious but convenient assumption that everyone drives an SUV or pickup if the machine is too low. How this affects us is up to each person and ranges from one quick thought that goes away to a person ranting about it long after leaving the machine.

But what was the actuality of the situation. People drive all different types of cars so there is no one size fits all ATM machine. Sure you could install two or more sizes for each drive thru area but what would be the cost of the machines and the upkeep that would get passed down to the customers anyway. But in our moment we have not spent anytime thinking our judgments through.

Now of course this is a mundane example but it shows how we as humans are so prone to judgments based solely on our own wishes and unquestioned beliefs and often just in that moment. The truth of the matter is we as humans to varying degrees constantly judge but they have no honesty and truth in them. When we judge we are choosing more times then not between two things, right or wrong and better or worse for ourselves.

Slave has to let go of this behavior to a certain degree

We all know people or are one of those people that phrase things in near or total absolutism. There is no “I like green peppers on my pizza” but “you have to have green peppers on a pizza or why bother”. These are people that preferences are judged in a right or wrong fashion. We all know people sometimes the same ones that are often set in their ways and ideas as well where doing something different is looked upon as being worse then their way which is better.

When a slave does this for unimportant things when communicating with their owner or even just fighting themselves to be obedient they are of course taking personal preferences and judgments and making them on some mythical noble/moral/non debatable basis. They are in essence choosing their preferences, wishes and irrelevant judgments as priority over their owner. This in turns makes an owner not a leader but now saddled down by often specific expectations by their slave who is basically doing the dreaded topping from the bottom.

“I feel like I am deeply submissive but have a terrible time with obedience and my dominant is questioning my submissiveness”

I have read and heard that statement or something very similar many times. In the cyber world people often projecting their issues can tend to be quick to judge a person to beef up their reputation making a statement that this person is a type of player. My personal experience and thought is that a majority of the people communicating this are probably plenty submissive in their personality and desires. But they hold on to their personal judgments of deciding on everything that is asked of them being judges right/wrong or better/worse. They have in fact chosen to be submissive to their personal judgments instead of their dominant.

I wrote a journal entry on my collarme profile awhile back on chastity devices. I had a very enjoyable time discussing them with many nice and intelligent men. But several men point toward my general dislike and non consistent use of such devices would write with the belief that quite simply chastity devices have to be used severely and long term for a cuckold or if one just sexually torments a man. Now as a Buddhist as soon as someone does the “has to” my brain instantly goes to “I severely doubt it” type thoughts and what they are often communicating is for me I want/need/think this to be the best/only way.

When looking for your Mistress

This also can pose a problem when looking for your Mistress and before serving. There is a huge difference between what makes one tick and brings them happiness and pleasure and what is a healthy and good way to be with a Mistress. The former is about finding a compatible person the latter is preconceived judgment and forcing a Mistress to jump through your own hoops.

There was a great thread on the collarme message board about force feminization. There were several men who really are into it or want to be feminized on an ongoing long term situation. In their pitch many had theories, philosophies and convenient definitions that taken as fact would be like assuming every male submissive must be forever feminized. Female dominants all wrote back in somewhat a similar way that is not really forced feminization and in fact all of the decisions and control have already been taken away from any prospective mistress for these men.

Now do I think these men should find a mistress and live by her desire to feminized or not, no. But what they need to look for is a mistress that wants a submissive man and they just simply both want the man to be feminized. The people choosing to form a belief from specific desires have chosen to make their desire for feminization their dominant over any prospective mistress who would be merely a tool for the feminization and not the reason for the man to be submissive.

What will happen if I obey?

When people fight this issue the question that they always needs to be asked is what will happen if I obey.

The question of course from many scared submissives is of course if there is a difference between doing what was ordered and what they thought was right that they are actually correct. This question thought through should make one aware of what is too happen and to act accordingly.

For example a mistress that you have been owned by for six months asks you to sign over all of your assets. One can think if I actually do that what could happen and come to the conclusion she is a joke and not to obey.

But what if one is struggling to obey the order of doing a load of whites before the colors when ordered to do laundry?  A slave needs to be able to ask what will happen if I actually obey if struggling because you think colors should always be done before whites or think the need for clean colors is more important.

Being actually submissive to your mistress requires a man to stop being submissive to his irrelevant preconceived judgments formed by personal preferences or desires. Doing that turns your mistress into an object or tool weighed down by your expectations. You will never find happiness with a mistress when the first things focused on are your desires and wishes get met over desires to serve her personally. You though will find your desires and many of your wishes met when actually serving and making your mistress first happy by obeying. That when finding a mistress that is compatible with you and she cares about you will want/need to make your wishes and desires come true.

Reward Versus Disappointment

The dangerous practice of depending on reward for obedience and how it goes against message.

As a dominant have you truly been made giddy, aroused and deeply touched by your hand spanking a slave’s ass? Feeling their bare skin, seeing it become red and bruised and hearing their yelps and screams and you submissives have you experience the difference between a dominant that does it out of enjoyment on their end or doing it because they know or think that is what you want?

I am not a big fan of the very popular and utilized tool of reward for obedience and good behavior. To me this tactic is nothing more then jump through hoops for me and I will give you a treat. Female dominants often obsess at preaching about and wanting submissives that are selfless and need to please their Mistress. To me this technique goes against that wish completely. This style of domination makes the kinky things the focus and motivation for obedience and not the love of their Mistress. This style re-enforces selfish thoughts and behaviors instead of basking in the delight of your Mistress gets in your service to her.

Is it not either a fine line or just a definition disagreement between a strong reward system style and withholding fun and sexual stuff for disobedience and other poor behavior type things?

No it is a monstrous gap between the two things. It comes down to passion for the dynamic and compatibility. As I wrote above a dominant getting great pleasure in a kinky thing like spanking that if things like that are absent in the power exchange then long term it spells big doom.

We all have had many similar experiences where we were particularly really looking forward in doing something. Maybe a concert to attend, a weekend get away, a social event and things that we thought were going to be a blast and to have them totally ruined by the person(s) we were attending them with were so the opposite of what you are feeling and therefore so negative and energy draining in their words and actions it destroyed it for you. Let us call it the wet noodle situation.

Well you cannot fake enjoyment and pleasure in doing something on a long term situation if you are a female dominant. You either have to like the things you do to your slave on your own or your slave will soon learn and get no enjoyment if anything they enjoy is done only out of reward for being obedient.

Passion communicated is food for a slave and stakes being stated.

The reason why doing kinky things communicated strongly in the mode of reward is doomed for failure in long term relationships and not splitting hairs the other way(s) to do things comes down to controlling a slave’s brain and using their natural thoughts and desires. If the impression over time is given that kinky, sexual or really anything a dominant puts on a reward contingent then often more then not the simple fact is obvious and soul crushing to a slave, my Mistress does not really enjoy these things and just does them to keep me around. Do you see where this thought and a submissive who yearns to make a Mistress happy bump into each other?

But if a Mistress can communicate a passion and enjoyment for the kinky, sexual and other things that both enjoy in the power exchange dynamic that depend on obedience of the slave it no longer is about reward but about excitement of getting to do them for their Mistress. It is about obeying and doing everything to please the Mistress so not only the slave has some fun but not to screw up causing her not to play and therefore causing her not to have any fun!

We want unselfish and considerate slaves who need to please us. To get one we have to understand that does not get turned on and off and our desires and intentions must be pure as well. Communicating by our actions or downright believing that doing things for a slaves pleasure is only for rewards to them and not out of are enjoyment in doing them is problematic and far more attractive to selfish do me subs then awesome deeply submissive slaves.