Who or What of Serving

Pop quiz what is the thing in common that connects the following two items:

1)  A male submissive on a message board creates a topic about whether it is better to serve by being motivated to do things for their mistress or motivated to serve by doing things they enjoy doing for a mistress.

2) A couple of weeks ago I had maybe the strangest message written to me privately. It came from another female dominant in which in a partly joking manner accused me of being a fake. Her reasoning was how I could claim I found many sincere male submissives and was able to go to real life so fast. She went further on to state she only runs into “do me” submissives because they always disappear when after a few messages she demands they write an in-depth essay of how they can serve her and make her life better.

The answer is…

What these two things have in common is they set the boundaries of where each role players in femdom often confuse the dynamic for the byproduct in a comical way. What do I mean by that is both sides who do not get the basic relationship for a healthy relationship in femdom where serving a mistress is to spoil her out of joy for her and what a mistress must understand what makes it a joy for them to do so.

Let us take them one by one.

Male submissive serves for the mistress and not the things done

What I wrote in number one above for many reading this should have been of course a duh type reaction. Of course it is way better and more meaningful to take joy in serving for the love of their mistress and not for the joy of doing the things that serving often require. This has not much to do with femdom as much as it has to just do about human interaction with people we care about. We simply do not want to be objects to people that we care about.

So what mistakes do submissive men do that fail them of this concept so often:

1) Men are cheap whores. In other words they will serve at the drop of the hat to any woman calling themselves dominants that they think might give them some kinky and fun times. When you are willing to serve anyone you are in essence communicating I consider a mistress an object.

2) Serving is not about doing things you like doing already. Too many men take things that interest them and try to turn them into the things they will want to do with a fictional mistress in their head and spin that into what serving is about. We are talking some of the classic examples like a man with a foot fetish willing to give untold foot massages, a man with a toilet fetish willing to be a toilet and a man wanting to be “forced feminized” wanting to clean a woman’s house and already has his maid uniform. These men are like #1 where they have already objectified any potential mistress if they are obsessing on items like this or mistake them for serving.

3) Play the role before ever being in the role. Men come online or heck it happens in local communities, or at least it sometimes use to, and they basically immediately go into play acting where they are all about serving a mistress just like the person they have directed their attention on. They make themselves immediate one dimensional characters that are not real and are not going to be attractive to sincere mistresses because of that.

What mistakes female dominants make that fail them of this concept so often:

1) They objectify themselves. They in fact project male submissives to be so one note, selfless and all about serving to spoil them, that nothing about them really matters or anything they do really factors much into anything femdom when it comes to serving.

2) They objectify male submissives. The communication is pretty consistent and pretty pathetic as they pretty much show no real interest in the man but solely focus on what can the man do to spoil me with attention and service. This is in essence the female dominants who only have the ability to communicate femdom is only a male spoiling a female.

3) They do not get nor do they have the ability to actually tell a submissive man what, when and how they are to serve in a leadership capacity. They know they want to be spoiled but they do not want to actively take charge so they will indeed get spoiled. Their complete failure to understand their role and effort in femdom in order to get a submissive to serve and spoil them requires active participation.

Two wrongs do not make a right but just make a lot of noise in a sad and sick game of you get what your lazy and selfish thoughts deserve

Most of what gets communicated in my opinion on message boards and online personals about femdom is complete garbage. The reason being because most of the people who are shouting them are the players that do and project the very things I just wrote above.

We get far too many women calling themselves dominant who believe or accidentally communicate femdom being basically all just about being spoiled with attention and things done to make their life easier and better by selfless male submissives. Any man who dares to have personal needs and double icky if they involve sex and kink are instantly labeled “do me” subs and are to be banished from the face of the earth. But guess what, female dominants who only want to concentrate on being spoiled are the actual equivalent of a “do me” sub just the female dominant version.

We get far too many men that think being submissive and serving a mistress is all about getting their kinks satisfied. In fact these men can be do me type submissives. They put on a mask and play the role that the do me mistresses communicate and play at the selfless submissive when often in fact all they are doing is how long do I have to do this shit before I get something kinky done to me.

So the female dominant who projects this image have honest and sincere male submissives totally dismiss them because they are what they are players who have no ability to have a real and sincere femdom relationship. So we have male submissives who play these games only to get female players to talk to them then get pissed when the female player realizes what they want and the man are about is fiction in this case and blow them off. No sincere mistress capable of a real femdom relationship is going to consider a man who is in essence objectifying the person they are supposedly seeking out.

It becomes a sad case of perpetual delusion of femdom and who is actually out there.

Reason #502 why the reward for obedience is fools gold

It is this philosophy that keeps the players going on and on and not dying out. The reason being is these female dominants who often proclaim hatred for the do me subs and so often clearly communicate a complete lack of actual interest in all things kinky and much of the time sex as well basically adopt this way. What they basically sell to men is obey, which is code for spoil me because they rarely communicate an order or bother to lead in their relationships, and I will then do some kinky things to you, if I have to.

What does this attract? Well of course the do me subs they hate so much to begin with. The men going what do I have to do to get some kinky sex around here. Clean your house? Ok, done. Now can I get spanked!

The sincere female dominants and male submissives accept their roles and duties in their relationships out of caring for the person and not the object the person represents to them in their fantasy that may have started off their journey into this life. This means the male submissive serves out of love and joy for their mistress. This means they care so much about them and that they make them so happy that they enjoy and love to spoil their mistress. But this means because in order for a male submissive to be attracted to a mistress and makes them happy that a woman has to actually be an actual mistress.

An actual mistress is not a female who desires to be spoiled. An actual mistress is one that has within them the ability and desire to actually be the active leader in the relationship with their slave. This require communication that directly communicates how, when and what the male submissive will spoil them. This requires initiating, inspiring and knowing power exchange requires equal effort. It requires understanding that you cannot pay a sincere male slave to spoil you with kink because that by the very essence of it makes then serving an object and not a person. Please tell me who enjoys that feeling?

For a heads up my next post will be the first in a series on the local communities. In specific it will be on the topic of the difference between a personal life versus a social life with those active in local communities. I am motivated to write on this topic just like I was motivated to write on this topic. Specifically there was a topic on a message board that drew my attention in quite a passion filled manner. The topic was basically female dominants who wish in a femdom section of the message board there were far less sex and kink questions posed by male submissives and far more topics that interest them which all the examples were of females being served by males.

As I wrote above male submissives just wanting to discuss kinky things on message boards and female dominants just wanting to read things about being spoiled are the same people both fantasizing and wanting other to produce material for these fantasies. I believe this has gained some undeserved creditability because of one of the aspects I see that comes from local communities. It is the people that play at power exchange for their social life. I am talking female dominants that have a stable of very part time submissives or an endless succession of short time non main relationship submissives. What they do when they meet up is play at femdom and in this play you of course get the spoil me is the main thing. I think these people have given validity to the idea that femdom is actually that way when transferred into a main and ongoing relationship.

So heads up on people interested in reading about that to check the site in the next day or two and for those that just yawned you can skip the next day or two!