Chastity IV: The Silent Half

The dominant’s effort and responsibility when chastity is used in the relationship

First a quick recap on what I have written before. In my opinion there are two types of people that are drawn to chastity. 1) People because of some combination of nurture and nature in their life have either zero or little sex drives or have issues with sex that they seek out a way to minimalize sex in their relationships. 2) People that use chastity for pleasure in terms of a more prolonged and consistent sexual energy in the relationship then up and down in the moment, the enjoyment of the sexual torment and as a power and devotion symbol.

The people of #1 I am not writing about but this entry is all about the people of #2. The submissive that wants or is willing to be chastised in some way is in essence willing to trade off orgasms for a more consistent sexual energy happening to them. In other words a more regular life of ignore sex, build up or get horny, have an orgasm and sexual energy goes poof and to be built up again. In other words again replace a roller coaster ride with a sports car going really fast down a highway.

But just withholding sex and having them not orgasm is not what chastity is or will work for these types of submissives. Like with pretty much every aspect of all types of relationships there is equal effort in some way that is needed from there other. For this type of chastity there needs to be sexual energy flowing through the relationship and sexual torment. Now I wrote about sexual torment in this post so I will not be going into great detail in this one.

The following are just unorganized aspects and thoughts on the dominants area of chastity:

1) Cuckolding – Since often chastity can be closely tied into cuckolding I did want to write about it a little. The typical stereotype of cuckolding is the woman making the man feel inadequate in bed seeks out bulls to satisfy her and slowly chastises her man. Well first that is of course a possibility but far from common in real life cuckolding situations but that does not mean chastity as a short term and in a tormented cannot be sweet in a cuckolding situation.

My two biggest issues of cyber fantasy cuckolding come into play 1) A woman to be with her lover/husband is going to respect and care for him and this will make cutting him off completely just not realistic for many reasons I have written before on. 2) A woman who is into sex enough to busy her life up with a bull(s) will be a woman into sex. As one such woman I am not going to eliminate the one cock that is the most readily available to me.

But for those into chastity cuckolding can be a good thing if the people want and can handle it. Cuckolding in most forms brings great sexual torment and energy into a relationship. One of the great byproducts of actively cuckolding a man on an ongoing basis is that the trap many couples of all types in long term relationships can fall into and that is rendering all sex and sexual atmosphere type things to the bedroom. With cuckolding that often stops being the case as the woman is actively engaging in sexual thoughts and energy outside their bedroom. The other bonus to cuckolding in a chastity situation it allows the woman to have a more well rounded and satisfying sex life. Woman do not always think oral is better or an ok substitution for good old penetration.

2) Subtle, quick and easy needs to be embraced – It is unfortunate but the dominant’s side to chastity is often relegated to the defense of not having to work or compare it to work to provide sexual energy and atmosphere in order for the chastity to take. What usually happens is how most things in this life get preached against and torpedoed by just communicating worse case scenarios.

But the fact is creating sexual energy in a relationship can be easy to do. In a chastity situation it is a necessity as that is what the submissive needs to get a positive and enjoyable outcome to their chastity. Fortunately one of the strongest byproducts of chastity makes this easier to do then without chastity. The man’s sexual thoughts and desires being more consistent and pronounced make even some of the simplest things to register great impact.

This is why the argument of sexually tormenting a chastised man takes too much time and energy does not hold merit with me. Here are just a few things that take no time or effort yet will feed the man for hours on end in his chastity and sexual torment:

1) Unbutton a few buttons on the blouse and show some cleavage in situations wear you normally do not. Bonus torture by occasionally fondling your own tits or lighting touching one of your nipples along with any verbal teasing.

2) In the morning before your slave goes to work maybe press your body into him and describe just how horny you are (even if you are not) in a graphic manner then turn away. Bonus points if you can do it in a way that you are naked or dressed in a sexy way and for those into humiliation and degradation when describing your horniness make sure to throw in a line about needing a real man.

3) When just sitting on the couch doing nothing much together place your hand on his crotch and just play with his cock randomly like you might escalate to a sexual encounter. A foot doing the same thing does wonders too.

It took me about thirty seconds to think up three things that combined might take thirty seconds of extra time out of the day to do but the affect and benefit for the slave is exponentially greater. There just is no excuse for a mistress to not keep her slave sexually tormented along with his chastity and time or effort are really poor excuses. Heck try it and you might find out how much fun it can be!

Short term versus long term chastity

This is a compatibility thing that I do not want to get too repetitive with. First to what is short term to long term for any two people can be different. For me it is tough to go longer then a week with out wanting my slave sexually in a bad way. The longest I ever managed was three and a half weeks. So I am not the best person to advise on long term situations but since when did that stop someone in cyber writing like a know it all?

So here are some of my thoughts:

1) Short term or long term does not really make much of a difference in terms of the sexual torment. If you from the start claim it is going to be long term then some of the teasing of will I or won’t I get lucky today can come off not as effective as one would like. There are different aspects to sexual teasing and tormenting, teasing to just arouse, denial, pulling the football away as he is about to kick it for Lucy fans and many ways to go about that you need to give thought to if they help the situation or potentially hurt the situation.

For instance you cannot keep promising potential sexual release if he does that or is a good boy and then not ever give it to him. Because at some point he will just stop buying into what you are describing and resentment and other negative feelings will begin to build.

2) The male will still have a sexual need and an emotional need to have sex with you. Men are not that different then woman and intimacy through sex is something they do get and want at least sometimes. Whether you can sub something if you go for a long term thing or not but remember that it is your relationship and not a contest where there is a winner based on how long.

3) There is torment from a pure sexual aspect and torment that while sexually based can also play on the mind of the man. The longer you chastise a man the more it has to be more about just sexual and less specifically about the man. For instance if you do cuckold your man and go for a longer term chastity thing a constant not a real man or he cannot satisfy you can start to erode your relationship. That stuff is some awesome fun for two compatible people but at some point most men will have doubt creep into their mind that their mistress truly does not have any interest in them sexually. Personally for me I feel there is a big difference between having sexual feelings and pleasure from other men and your slave then just having sexual pleasure from anyone but your slave.

4) Do not ever forget to bring your sexuality and attitude of joy of sex and your sexuality when chastising your man. Part of the dangers of chastity is for either partner really to think the other is not into sex or into them sexually. That can cause damage in a relationship. The best torments are the ones that show the greatest dichotomies so if you prevent sexual pleasure and release for your slave it is most tormenting for them to see you indulge in your sexuality and sexual pleasure.

I really believe that this is good advice for all women and heck men to a certain extent in terms of in all types of relationships. Most women can get emotionally destroyed when their man seems to lose sexual feelings for them so male slaves if anything is a more so situation in wanting their mistress to communicate I am a sexual woman.

Remember for men that embrace chastity that have normal or high sex drives is not to diminish sex and a sexual atmosphere in their relationships but in fact to heighten the sexual atmosphere and feelings in a more consistent way. They are not channeling their sex drive over to their obedience and thoughtfulness drives but they are learning and doing is being obedient and thoughtful while all sexually hot and bothered. But they are in fact substituting orgasms for this added sexuality and that means for their sexual needs and desires to be met means for their mistress to embrace and make sure their sexuality and communication of that is expressed quite loudly. It is their slave’s fuel and the teasing and tormenting to be usually the most effective delivery system.