Chastity IV: The Silent Half

The dominant’s effort and responsibility when chastity is used in the relationship

First a quick recap on what I have written before. In my opinion there are two types of people that are drawn to chastity. 1) People because of some combination of nurture and nature in their life have either zero or little sex drives or have issues with sex that they seek out a way to minimalize sex in their relationships. 2) People that use chastity for pleasure in terms of a more prolonged and consistent sexual energy in the relationship then up and down in the moment, the enjoyment of the sexual torment and as a power and devotion symbol.

The people of #1 I am not writing about but this entry is all about the people of #2. The submissive that wants or is willing to be chastised in some way is in essence willing to trade off orgasms for a more consistent sexual energy happening to them. In other words a more regular life of ignore sex, build up or get horny, have an orgasm and sexual energy goes poof and to be built up again. In other words again replace a roller coaster ride with a sports car going really fast down a highway.

But just withholding sex and having them not orgasm is not what chastity is or will work for these types of submissives. Like with pretty much every aspect of all types of relationships there is equal effort in some way that is needed from there other. For this type of chastity there needs to be sexual energy flowing through the relationship and sexual torment. Now I wrote about sexual torment in this post so I will not be going into great detail in this one.

The following are just unorganized aspects and thoughts on the dominants area of chastity:

1) Cuckolding – Since often chastity can be closely tied into cuckolding I did want to write about it a little. The typical stereotype of cuckolding is the woman making the man feel inadequate in bed seeks out bulls to satisfy her and slowly chastises her man. Well first that is of course a possibility but far from common in real life cuckolding situations but that does not mean chastity as a short term and in a tormented cannot be sweet in a cuckolding situation.

My two biggest issues of cyber fantasy cuckolding come into play 1) A woman to be with her lover/husband is going to respect and care for him and this will make cutting him off completely just not realistic for many reasons I have written before on. 2) A woman who is into sex enough to busy her life up with a bull(s) will be a woman into sex. As one such woman I am not going to eliminate the one cock that is the most readily available to me.

But for those into chastity cuckolding can be a good thing if the people want and can handle it. Cuckolding in most forms brings great sexual torment and energy into a relationship. One of the great byproducts of actively cuckolding a man on an ongoing basis is that the trap many couples of all types in long term relationships can fall into and that is rendering all sex and sexual atmosphere type things to the bedroom. With cuckolding that often stops being the case as the woman is actively engaging in sexual thoughts and energy outside their bedroom. The other bonus to cuckolding in a chastity situation it allows the woman to have a more well rounded and satisfying sex life. Woman do not always think oral is better or an ok substitution for good old penetration.

2) Subtle, quick and easy needs to be embraced – It is unfortunate but the dominant’s side to chastity is often relegated to the defense of not having to work or compare it to work to provide sexual energy and atmosphere in order for the chastity to take. What usually happens is how most things in this life get preached against and torpedoed by just communicating worse case scenarios.

But the fact is creating sexual energy in a relationship can be easy to do. In a chastity situation it is a necessity as that is what the submissive needs to get a positive and enjoyable outcome to their chastity. Fortunately one of the strongest byproducts of chastity makes this easier to do then without chastity. The man’s sexual thoughts and desires being more consistent and pronounced make even some of the simplest things to register great impact.

This is why the argument of sexually tormenting a chastised man takes too much time and energy does not hold merit with me. Here are just a few things that take no time or effort yet will feed the man for hours on end in his chastity and sexual torment:

1) Unbutton a few buttons on the blouse and show some cleavage in situations wear you normally do not. Bonus torture by occasionally fondling your own tits or lighting touching one of your nipples along with any verbal teasing.

2) In the morning before your slave goes to work maybe press your body into him and describe just how horny you are (even if you are not) in a graphic manner then turn away. Bonus points if you can do it in a way that you are naked or dressed in a sexy way and for those into humiliation and degradation when describing your horniness make sure to throw in a line about needing a real man.

3) When just sitting on the couch doing nothing much together place your hand on his crotch and just play with his cock randomly like you might escalate to a sexual encounter. A foot doing the same thing does wonders too.

It took me about thirty seconds to think up three things that combined might take thirty seconds of extra time out of the day to do but the affect and benefit for the slave is exponentially greater. There just is no excuse for a mistress to not keep her slave sexually tormented along with his chastity and time or effort are really poor excuses. Heck try it and you might find out how much fun it can be!

Short term versus long term chastity

This is a compatibility thing that I do not want to get too repetitive with. First to what is short term to long term for any two people can be different. For me it is tough to go longer then a week with out wanting my slave sexually in a bad way. The longest I ever managed was three and a half weeks. So I am not the best person to advise on long term situations but since when did that stop someone in cyber writing like a know it all?

So here are some of my thoughts:

1) Short term or long term does not really make much of a difference in terms of the sexual torment. If you from the start claim it is going to be long term then some of the teasing of will I or won’t I get lucky today can come off not as effective as one would like. There are different aspects to sexual teasing and tormenting, teasing to just arouse, denial, pulling the football away as he is about to kick it for Lucy fans and many ways to go about that you need to give thought to if they help the situation or potentially hurt the situation.

For instance you cannot keep promising potential sexual release if he does that or is a good boy and then not ever give it to him. Because at some point he will just stop buying into what you are describing and resentment and other negative feelings will begin to build.

2) The male will still have a sexual need and an emotional need to have sex with you. Men are not that different then woman and intimacy through sex is something they do get and want at least sometimes. Whether you can sub something if you go for a long term thing or not but remember that it is your relationship and not a contest where there is a winner based on how long.

3) There is torment from a pure sexual aspect and torment that while sexually based can also play on the mind of the man. The longer you chastise a man the more it has to be more about just sexual and less specifically about the man. For instance if you do cuckold your man and go for a longer term chastity thing a constant not a real man or he cannot satisfy you can start to erode your relationship. That stuff is some awesome fun for two compatible people but at some point most men will have doubt creep into their mind that their mistress truly does not have any interest in them sexually. Personally for me I feel there is a big difference between having sexual feelings and pleasure from other men and your slave then just having sexual pleasure from anyone but your slave.

4) Do not ever forget to bring your sexuality and attitude of joy of sex and your sexuality when chastising your man. Part of the dangers of chastity is for either partner really to think the other is not into sex or into them sexually. That can cause damage in a relationship. The best torments are the ones that show the greatest dichotomies so if you prevent sexual pleasure and release for your slave it is most tormenting for them to see you indulge in your sexuality and sexual pleasure.

I really believe that this is good advice for all women and heck men to a certain extent in terms of in all types of relationships. Most women can get emotionally destroyed when their man seems to lose sexual feelings for them so male slaves if anything is a more so situation in wanting their mistress to communicate I am a sexual woman.

Remember for men that embrace chastity that have normal or high sex drives is not to diminish sex and a sexual atmosphere in their relationships but in fact to heighten the sexual atmosphere and feelings in a more consistent way. They are not channeling their sex drive over to their obedience and thoughtfulness drives but they are learning and doing is being obedient and thoughtful while all sexually hot and bothered. But they are in fact substituting orgasms for this added sexuality and that means for their sexual needs and desires to be met means for their mistress to embrace and make sure their sexuality and communication of that is expressed quite loudly. It is their slave’s fuel and the teasing and tormenting to be usually the most effective delivery system.

Lust & Torment

Sexually tormenting the man, is that so wrong then why is it so much fun!

I dislike the word tease as to me it signifies playfulness and therefore a start and finish scene that people play at. There is of course time to play in life and I wish all human beings a lot of play. But the best things in life often provide fun and productivity. It is enjoying ones job and not dreading going to it and wishing too hard it was over while on it. It is wasting a day doing chores with your lover that moves so fast because of the enjoyment of being together provides. Well to me that is one of the joys of owning and controlling a man is to me and stoking his sexual urges and deciding what to do with that power gained by doing such a thing not only enhances the power dynamic and control over the male slave but just is sweet fun as well.

Torment maybe too strong of a word though as after all the man gets an awful lot of what he so desires when it is being done to him. Some attention even if done indirectly, acceptance and intent by their owner to want their slave to be aroused and have sex on the forefront of both the slave’s brains. Plus what many men love and desire but so many afraid to admit, their woman outwardly embracing their sexuality not contingent to their love of them being the source but their own sexuality.

There are many ways to sexually torment a slave. You can turn them on and make sure they do not get off. You can cause them misery in a circumstance that is normally a turn on and sexually satisfying thing. You can of course humiliate and degrade the slave by polarizing the dichotomy of sexual pleasure for you and irrelevant for him and an oldie but always fun of the slave getting sexually taken care of but in a cold and dismissive way.

The following are some factors to think about when one wants to add sexual tormenting ones slave to their relationship. I for one recommend it for many reasons besides pure joy. It has a nice one two punch of both a sexual boost in the atmosphere which can work for both of you for a better and more active sex life but at the same time is a very powerful way to show ones slave their cock is not the center of your sex life. A man is always more controllable and predictable when he is horny and helping stoke that feeling can often be an easier and simple atmosphere and submissive level boost then something more elaborate.

Now I cuckold my slave which goes into this area so the following things to think about may or may not be related to cuckolding.

1) It not torment if it always ends with the slave sexually satisfied. If everything done basically is just foreplay for some in the end sexual encounter that gets the slave off then it will cease to become torment but excitable foreplay. Not only no fun from the torment, it does not help with the slave’s discipline and submissive level if not hurt it. A lot of the torment for the slave in a lot of potential circumstances is him not knowing if he is getting lucky or being left out in the cold.

2) Your slave is a human being and will have sexual needs both physically and sexual intimacy mentally. All human beings can be different and some men this might mean rare but still know your slave and what he needs and do not forget that in the end it is a relationship of major scope therefore needs have to get met. It may sound cool like to permanently chastise a slave and just milk him in cyber fantasies for someone really into cuckolding or someone with asexual drive and likewise for a slave to certain extent but still most people walk away from relationships where their sex life sucks to non existent.

3) Tormenting is two person effort situation. Doing something like slapping a chastity device on a slave while doing nothing else and calling it tormenting is just wrong. In fact all you are doing is communicating to a slave I am not really interested in tormenting you and/or I am just not into being sexual period. Tormenting works best when a dichotomy is present so in essence the bigger the difference between a Mistress engaging in her sexuality while ignoring or dismissing their slave’s or engaging in your slave’s sexual arousal in a total cold and dispassionate way the different levels is where the torment happens. Two people ignoring sex one by force the other by looking like they are not into it is not torment.

4) When doing the Mistress enjoying and not letting the slave enjoy always remember the focus is actually on your sexual enjoyment and not some play acting for your slave’s benefit. Now it of course can be you getting very aroused by the tormenting itself but still the Mistress must be able to communicate with her actions that she is truly horny or has sex on her brain in some way. I know it is cool in cyber to preach it is always about the Mistress but power exchange relationships are still equal effort relationships. Tough to torment or come off as being horny when dressed in sweats or other comfortable and boring outfits 24/7. Tough to convince you r slave you have sex on the brain in the moment when nothing being communicated that shows this to be true. If the woman in a commercial on TV is exuding the most sexual heat in the house the Mistress needs to step it up.

5) Sexually tormenting a slave is fun and beneficial for the relationship but that does not mean you cannot have fabulous and very intimate sex as well. One of the great things about the 24/7 dynamic is it is the devotion to the people and the power exchange way 24/7. Some like to criticize 24/7 and when people talk about sex and kinky things like people like me are portraying 24/7 365 active sexual torment. I refuse to give these people their ignorant props. 24/7 allows in fact focusing less on these things in terms of feeling the need to do them because you can do them when you feel like it and not feel the pressure of Saturday night and the need to have some type of performance. A man’s cock hard forgets the last time it was allowed to orgasm, you can torment the hell out of a guy a few hours after a great roll in the hay of the normal and loving variety.

6) When encompassing into a 24/7 relationship embrace destroying the scene mentality and nurture the slaves submissive level, your dominant level and atmosphere of power by making this type of torment be in the air. This is a big thing for me and lost on many people who try to convert part time and top/bottom stuff into a fulltime 24/7 power exchange relationship. Often I will write about this in cuckolding but it goes to this topic as well. There is a difference in doing a scene and making it part of a life that becomes a part of the two people. So like in cuckolding you can have some drawn out scene and sleep with another man but everything felt, enjoyed and goes toward helping the power exchange dynamic goes away when done, or you can consciously make it part of your life where it is not start or stop but merely one long drawn out way to live. Sexually tormenting a man can be like that and requires little big effort when not in the mood. Quick little things done that take a few seconds or minutes even just verbal can help keep a man sexually tormented in between any bigger moments.

Here are a few of my personal favorites that I do personally.

1) Hit and Run. The fastest and easiest thing to do and my personal favorite I have done forever and never gotten bored doing. Simply in everyday normal situations be with your other in a warm and loving way and start to fondle their cock until it is good and hard then just stop completely and laugh at them and walk away. For the sadists you can mark the stopping point by doing something painful like pinching a nipple. Big thing though is to have a similar thing in your life where this goes to a sexual act where the slave gets big time sexual pleasure. It is important long term that the slave never knows if the climax is a climax or being left with blue balls. I particularly do this when I was for some reason scantily dressed like in lingerie or just wearing a robe.

2) Be Careful What You Wish For. Basically doing something your slave really wanted at the time or traditionally does and doing it in a way that destroys all the enjoyment. For example a slave with a foot fetish letting them massage your feet and suck on your toes but make them do it so long their hands cramp up and their mouth feels like they have been walking in the desert without any water for a day. The punctuation being you laughing about the dichotomy of what they wished for was not making them very uncomfortable.

3) Too Bad. Make sure your slave is doing something that you know brings not only no pleasure but makes it difficult to divert brain thought into getting aroused and then proceed to physically or verbally communicate your horniness. I like to do this verbally a lot. I would often when my husband had to do some work related things to start contemplating out loud my horniness but not wanting him or put on a real loud masturbation show in the next room then when he was done act like sex was the farthest thing on my mind. Once again this has to be primed by sometimes attacking him sexually when he is done so he does not know what to really expect.

4) Put on a Show. Masturbation for me lost a lot of its appeal when I discovered sex with another person but my interest came back to it in a big way when I found how much fun it can be to torment a man. I enjoy tying my man to the bed and gag him then masturbate the heck while teasing him. Particular fun is of course seeing how close I can get my pussy to his face and climax and positioning my pussy over his cock getting it just to the point it is about to enter me and break it off. For a particular long session occasionally having him inside me for a few gyrations and climb off can be necessary to keep the slave focused and aroused.

5) Grand Canyon. When cuckolding a man and especially at first it is important to re-assure them you care for them and your heart belongs to them. For many men willing and wanting to be cuckold it can be a sexual fetish but there are many men that crave and need cuckolding that is a lot more things then sexual pleasure and it is not remotely a thing that makes them aroused. I often when I come back home from being fucked by another man will cuddle with my slave and rehash the details. At this time one can have a pretty intense intimate experience that turns into a sexual one, you can be the instrument of your slave getting off from his sexual fetish standpoint and then at times I love doing this. Instead of warm and lustful words encouraging the slave to get worked up sexually a mixture of words and actions that will get him hard enough but also words and an overall tone in a degrading and humiliating way to where he ends up climaxing basically being told how pathetic he is for this whole cuckolding situation. I enjoy masturbating him while doing this and sometimes leaving dried cum on me so while we are doing this I make him look at it or shove his nose on it for him to smell it. To me this has the absolute wonderful feeling of me basically claiming my man’s sexuality to solely do with it what I want and both of us knowing there is not a damn thing he is going to do anything about it.

So there is my spin on sexually tormenting a slave. When done in certain ways it can not only be fun for one or both parties but it can really help the relationship dynamic and sexual atmosphere in the relationship. Just though remember withholding sex and/or throwing a chastity device on a slave and be done with it is not the way to go to get positive things.