Happy Thanksgiving

Not gone but just been busy.

Sorry for the lack of posts but I have been terribly busy with many things on my plate that writing this blog had to be pushed aside. I am currently visiting my family for Thanksgiving and hope to get back to posting in the next week.

I wish everyone a great Thanksgiving!

Tackling Politically Correct

Wanted to answer/share my opinion on a couple of things that people dance around

Is there any value to train/learn to be a good slave before finding the one to serve?

There are always things we can do in life that can make us more well rounded, self improved and expand our skill sets. We can forget just about female dominants but all women are going to be more attracted to a man with his shit together and has interests and skill sets that come into play when a male and a female are together especially when we live together on a daily basis.

Often this question gets answered in the politically correct way of telling submissives to take cooking and massage classes and thoughts of things to learn to pamper their future dominant. Now there is no denying the fact anyone from either gender that has mad cooking and massage skills plus anything else that would make a nicer life for their other is not a good thing. But let me ask you this question has anyone ever dumped someone that made them happy because they could not cook or give a god massage? If a dominant is going to decide for or against you based on those types of things then that dominant is not worth having a good person to be with.  But if you are truly hopeless in the kitchen that is not good and just show signs of laziness and taking shortcuts in life. Cooking the basics is not that hard.

On the flip side if you think buying a chastity device, anal plug and things of this nature and use them on yourself is “training” you might as well go the final step and create an imaginary mistress to take ownership of you. Delusion is not a good thing nor is delusional justification. Enjoy those things then who am I to rain on another’s enjoyment but please do not call it training.

If you want to improve your chances of finding your significant other and forming a strong relationship forget the bells and whistles. Focus on becoming self aware of who you are and who will be compatible for you so you do not waste time for two people that you can never get back by chasing anyone or for the wrong reasons. Get your life in order and get yourself into a good mental place and do not expect someone else to do it for you. The former is attractive to people and the latter is a run away from situation for most.

Are cyber/long distant D/s relationships as real/same as real life ones?

Real no one can ever answer that. It could be real or two people in utter delusion but I know real life couples who are completely in delusion thinking they have one but they have nothing of the sort so who is able to give a real answer.

Are they the same? No way! You are not with someone day in and day out and never have been with that person even for a little bit. Only in cyber and the power dynamic way can people fool themselves into thinking they have what a real life and real time couple have regardless of the dynamic. Again forget the bells and whistles of a relationship but focus on all the work and sacrifice we invest in our relationships. Sorry, are you attending all the business parties, family obligations, money issues, day to day choices we make in life and on and on. In a bad mood and/or tired instead of a shorter phone call/web cam session you still are there with your other for the whole night.  Have to take care of the person when they are sick? I could go on and on.

If a regular person told their best friend I met a guy on the internet a thousand miles away and we are mad for each other and I consider ourselves to have the exact same relationship as someone who is married and been together. This person would get laughed at. But we have ourselves a power exchange relationship and poof magic logic can fool the want to be fooled that they are in fact in a similar relationship.

Now does that make those relationships lower, lame, worse and other negative words? Not at all but it does not make them the same with the same stakes because the investment is not the same and there is no getting around that fact. If a relationship makes you happy then be happy about that. My only concern and this transcends to any type of relationship do you think or know it will make you happy in the long run or are you ignoring some obvious things that could come back to bite you on your ass.

Heck that happened to me. I married and we loved each other well past when we got a divorce. But I married a man that came from a large family that had always wanted kids and we both ignored this until it blew up in our faces.

Looks are unimportant

It is the ultimate political correct bull shit.

Looks always count for something. For most of us looks tend not to dominate the wish list though. But to think if Matt Damon or John Goodman was hitting on me and both seem nice who is coming home with me? But safe behind our computers or in front of people where what we say will never get actually tested we can say this and think we come off as a good person and often judge themselves better then others who do have positive thoughts on looks.

The fact is any information we take in goes toward our feelings and thoughts of the person, especially on our first impression. Going back to my example if one does not think Matt Damon does not get more leeway to make a good impression then John Goodman for most women that is denial.

The problem is not if looks matter but if looks or something else is so important to the person they end up all alone and miserable because their standards are not realistic. It is like whenever older people on the personal sites for the power life complain about no one is interested in older people. These same people would not walk into a bar where twenty year olds hang out and complain why no one there was interested in them. But in cyber one tosses off realities and personal things that do not make them perfect for anyone they are interested in. Well looks can be the same way as they factor in but for most of us they are just part of the equation. For those where it is a huge part and they do not measure up the same way they face long odds and even if they find someone still not much to base long term compatibility on.

Looks can be overcome and a handsome man or a beautiful woman can be revolting to a person but do not think for one second looks do not mean something to someone even the ones who utter such political correctness.

My Fellow Mistresses

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The Mythical Alpha Submissive

One of our problems as a group when we communicate about the life we often assign tasks and personality traits by classifying them between dominant and submissive. For most of these things this is just idiotic. For example pretty much anything thought of domestic is often labeled a submissive task and of course the thought of  someone submissive being a passive human being and not capable of anything but some low ranking support job. Of course from an individual standpoint we know these thoughts are asinine. But this is a subject for some other time but did want to mention for the record these thoughts are stupid. My slave is a business owner my ex was a surgeon and they are often king of the work alphas.

Another issue that is a problem is when we discuss this life, especially or shall I write exponentially in femdom, is we discuss it in terms of specific actions or all about the submissive thoughts and behaviors. How many times does one have to hear or read about the submissive obedience, serving and putting their dominants desires over their own, but how many times do we ever mention the thoughts and responsibilities from the big picture of the dominant. I mean sure you get the duh lame obvious ones, keep the slave healthy, happy and be responsible for them but I ask all those reading this how many times have you heard in connection with femdom the female’s daily thoughts and responsibilities that are more day to day?

These responsibilities which I have mentioned many times and probably should write specifically on them one day are what submissives crave and seek out when interested and find the best fit in a significant power exchange relationship. We are talking the good old things such as leadership, inspiration, direction and possibly the most important thing direct open communication of what their mistress is thinking and wanting. Where do you hear about mistresses discussing such things… No seriously where do you because I rarely find it!

To me this is the sibling to the myth of the selfless submissive that collectively makes femdom so frustrating to many sincere submissive men and yes, sincere female dominants. It is why when one wants to read about the power dynamic sometimes the best places to read are anywhere but where female dominants communicate in cyber. Why is this? Well four reasons.

1) Society standards

This is the huge one unfortunately. Society has males taking the lead in pretty much anything including defending women. A woman who is take charge and sticks up for herself in a forceful manner is often labeled a bitch. Heck even in the last half of the twentieth century with feminism and equal rights going strong we women still embraced the male initiate contact, pay for dates and lead the relationship. By the way but sorry fellows and especially male submissives but this is probably not going to change.

But outside superficial stuff has always been that way but the inside behind closed doors has always had more equality in it. After all there is a reason we have the word henpecked. So while the public hurdle is quite high the fact is in our personal relationships the bar is not nearly as high. While most women meant for regular relationships go gaga for alpha males the ones that are happy and in a loving relationship with those alphas know they are not leading anything in their relationships.

2) Woman playing at being dominant

These are the women that are promoting the male submissive as a selfless human being that should have no needs other then spoiling their mistress. These women tend to be damaged for various reasons with the most common characteristics of middle aged and bitterly divorced. Why they are playing dominant is because they have zero alpha in them and very much want an alpha male, but they just want the perfect alpha male who will mind read and spoil them. They simply have no ability to lead.

3) Sincere and/or experienced mistresses

We are very guilty of not so much promoting these myths but by lack of calling out the myths and especially the female dominant players. Why does this happen? My guess is that in some combination of females sticking together, our own weariness of males being too kink and sex focused and the enjoyment of discussions of being spoiled make us give them a free pass. But the repercussions of our failure to confront these myths and the female players is that it gives their views air to breath and overwhelms reality based femdom.

4)  Male submissives not growing a backbone

I am stealing this from my slave who brought this to my attention. He noted to me which once I took notice I was stunned by how he was so dead on. His observation was that male submissives live to rip other male submissives or see them ripped by female dominants and it makes them feel like they are the “true” submissives. I mean just in this past month I have seen males argue that the longest a man can be chaste without a device and being/embracing feminization as the only way to be able to truly serve on a message board.

This and along with the play acting required by the female players in order for them to pay attention has rendered far too high a percentage of male submissives as spineless actors. They play a role of the fictional selfless male all about a woman that comes off unbelievable fake and insincere to a sincere reality based mistress. These men are in effect supporting the myth that hurts them the most.

The cyber created mythical alpha submissive (thanks again to my slave for giving me this term)

In the past year that I have jumped back into this life in a public way I bounced between being mad or laughing at what far too high a percentage of women calling themselves dominant and wanting a female led relationship actually describe in what they are wanting in a man. The women want to retain all beta like characteristics while finding an alpha male who will spoil them and pretty much always described as they will focus on them, read their minds and do things that spoil them, give them lots of attention and make their life easier. Pretty much want a man to work hard and bring good money home, do most of the domestic work and spoil them with attention and entertainment all the while they may or may not do kinky things but do not expect actual leadership, assertiveness and direct communication in the relationship dynamic.

My slave and I enjoy or get flustered by a certain female dominant player that we kind of bonded over for private reasons. Anyway this woman probably displays the most obvious signs of having Narcissistic Personality Disorder that I have ever seen from someone online, but that is neither here nor there. My slave pointed to me this morning a journal entry that this woman had written recently. The journal entry was one long and repetitive communication of she was not a take charge and order dominant but expected a male submissive to be assertive and proactive in his focus on her and doing things that she would like and needed to be done. She saw her duty as pretty much just point out things about him and what he was doing that needed correcting. This is what the rest of call sitting on our ass and contributing nothing. Now she is probably a narcissist and by disorder attention always on her, does nothing for others and no empathy is hard wired. But still the irony of claiming herself a dominant and wanting a female LED relationship is still somewhat offensive to me.

Exactly where is this leadership, inspiration and direct communication of what she wants and feels both big picture and in the moments?

We are always a mixture

As I started off in this post we are all not one note. We are not all passive and cannot think for ourselves or are we assertive and give directions/orders for everything in life. We as dominants and submissives can have jobs that if we stereotype falsely can look as alpha or beta type jobs that do not match up to our relationship dynamic choice.

But if we want to be the dominant in the relationship we cannot justify or just be in denial of what that is going to involve. We must lead in the relationship in an assertive and take charge way the more significant the power exchange is going to be. This also goes the other way that a male submissive must be willing to be led!

As I have written before and will write many times in this blog. A person willing and wanting to spoil their significant other and put their desires over their own is not the main and certainly not the only requirement to be a submissive in a power exchange relationship. There simply is no person not willing or enjoys being spoiled regardless of gender that they cannot find someone in the regular world. Throw in the fact on how much easier it is to find regular people then the thought should venture into the area of absurdity.

There is no such thing as an alpha submissive the take charge of the relationship and spoil and devote their life toward mind reading what their other desires. Even the most macho and most outwardly alpha out in the job world if they are submissive desire in their personal relationship to not be the take charge one. Any female who justifies to claim being a sincere dominant and not accepting their ACTIVE leadership responsibility is a fraud and doomed to failure. This does not mean 24/7 and everything everyday in the relationship but it will be most things most days. This does not mean always embracing and being happy and energized about doing so but it does mean accepting this as our responsibility and duty in a femdom relationship if one is sincere and grasps the concept of equal effort.

Watersports: Tips of the Trade

Wanted to write something less pompous and more fun then some of my latest posts, so in this post I wanted to just off the top of my head give some tips for those who aspire to have this kink in your life sometime down the road.

I have three general areas to go over:

It is so messy

Unfortunately the biggest drawback of piss play is that it is messy. Sure with practice two people can get no mess when it comes to drinking it but that is limiting all the fun to one specific way to do this wonderful kink. There are plenty of times I enjoy it that way but my favorite ways tend to be on my slave and not in him. Here are some tips in ways people do this kink to minimalize the mess:

1) Most common place people do this is of course the good old bathtub. The biggest problem with the bathtub it is not the most spontaneous and cool type atmosphere out there. Quite often wanting to do this as part of a bigger picture thing and to basically stop go to the bathroom is quite the atmosphere killer. One tip is if you want this in your life to plan it in ways where you can incorporate the bathroom into a situation you want to do this to your slave. There is a reason maybe the most common way is the old first thing in the morning before the normal hop into the shower. Other good ways is have some grooming thing where the slave is serving in some capacity that you are already in the bathroom or nearby.

2) The kiddy pool. One of the favorite things to have for watersports enthusiasts and easy to place pretty much anywhere and easy to cleanup afterwards makes it so.

3) Utilize the great outdoors. If you do not think when I have gone looking for places to live that looking for a place that offers the best  opportunity for piss play factored into my decision you would be very much wrong. Maybe not at the top of the list but certainly thought about. For those that do not have any natural privacy outdoors there is always the ability to put up a privacy fence for a small area and in fact know of two couples who did just that.

4) Basements and hardwood floors. Now I can be viewed as different. Between my job where I am immune to body fluids grossing me out and this is a fetish for me I am not one to be concerned of being in a spot where warm piss was a half hour ago.

5) Rubber sheets in a spare bedroom. A popular one for couples really into this kink that gives most of the options available for this kink whether starting out in that room or going into that room the coldness of a bathroom, garage or basement can be eliminated.

On tips #4 and #5 remember some potential ease of thoughts, one can do piss play and control the mess by things like not emptying a full bladder or wearing clothes that soak up a lot of the piss. The second is of course cleanup is a slave’s job and can incorporate fun in that as well!

Drinking it

1) You hear the words all the time when people discuss this topic or ask for tips about not spilling, “training the slave not to miss a drop”. The truth is training is often at the minimum equal effort and often the mistress trains herself more by being able to start/stop and control the amount of the flow. Best not to forget that when training it can be a two way street.

2) The wonderful funnel. Simple and easy to use and makes this type of play portable to pretty much anywhere. An item I would never not have.

3) Idealized ways are great but ease and convenience can count for something. Sure the idealized view of this kink is a dominant pissing directly into the mouth of the slave and the slave not missing a drop. But there is nothing wrong with pissing into a glass if one is looking for ease/less messy or the dominant is still working on their bashful bladder.

4) The old drinks lots of water down before hand to make it easier to go and to dilute the taste. Solid and most common tip. I have always believed the dilute the taste is like the what a man eats changes the taste of his cum. To me maybe for people with refined pallets or still having difficulties and aversions to doing both of them there can be a big difference. But I think for most people the actual taste is not going to dramatically change all that much.

Getting over the ick factor

1) Go slow! Build up to the more idealized ways to do in this kink. When building up pissing on a slave start with just on their feet and work your way up over time. Start while they are lying in the shower with the shower running on them. When drinking it start out with them just sucking a finger that has a drop or two on it, water it down in a glass and slowly build up to a more pure drink and not all of it the first few times.

2) Atmosphere! This is such a huge thing in relationships in general and certainly in power exchange and kinky things. The better the atmosphere the better the results will always be. The more excitement, enjoyment and arousal you can show for doing this before, during and after the more the other person who is trying to embrace it will enjoy it or at the very least wanting to endure it for you. An evil smile and some verbal taunts can go a long way.

3) It is not pass or fail course. One should not show being not happy with the slave if they did not meet your expectations. One should be positive to help with them being encouraged and wanting to do better next time.

4) Practice makes perfect. The more frequent you do this kink the easier it is for people to move pass the ick factor and it can just become a wonderfully pleasant commonly accepted thing. Going long periods of time between doing this kink can be a use it or lose it thing and not a get back on the bicycle thing.

Watersports often suffers from limited cliché ways of how we imagine them done and the limitations of wanting to minimalize the mess. But to me personally one of the very special things that make watersports a wonderful kink to indulge in is that with some thought there are so many ways to do it that you can find ways that work for the people involved.

Local Community I

Clouding the lines between a personal life and relationship with a social life and social relationships

There are two axioms that are always present in almost all healthy and loving relationships regardless of the dynamic. 1) Relationships take equal effort from both parties. 2) The more we expect from someone in terms of things like commitment, devotion and time that helps our needs and desires get met the more the other person will/need expect of you to do the same.

Now those two axioms for 99.99% of the worlds population is kind of a duh like thought as of course this makes sense or at the very least any drastic variations from this would be not good. The fact though one of the biggest problems with people who want the power exchange dynamic in their relationship is often is when one or both believe that these two axioms are not relevant to their relationship. Maybe consciously or maybe subconsciously but they think they have found a short cut and loophole to mail in their effort and sacrifice in a relationship while the other devotes everything towards theirs.

Why would some people walk down that road that will only lead to a dead end? The reason is because there are two major ways people live this and that is people that treat it with deadly seriousness in their personal life and people that treat it like an accessory in their relationship and people that treat it as some part of their social life.

One of the biggest problems facing open and honest advice and information about the power exchange life is that we are not very good at being open and honest about the context for which the information and advice has any validity. This simply has to do with egos and idiotic judgments of who is better then another like life has a competition factored into it. Now for most of us this is a relatively silly game that hopefully does little damage to our lives. But often people that are quite active in their local communities from public organizations to just putting themselves out there with their role and developing a personal network of friends and potential playmates they far too often merge personal and social life that leads to some really poor and misguided information out there.

The often unintentional byproduct of local community actions and the people that actively promote local communities and their involvement

Local communities of course can be about learning things in this life we embrace, meeting and making friends and for many of us that special someone to go through life with. But local communities at their heart are a social network for which active people in the communities develop parts and sometimes all of their social life around. A lot of what goes on in local communities has very little to do with power exchange personal relationships. The fact is if you replace BDSM with chess when discussing all the gatherings we have you will find no real difference in the dynamic.

Informal meeting of the chess club for a social mixer and maybe have a speaker would be the same as a munch.  Public dungeon is just a spot for people to go to play a game of chess. Local play parties public or private could be chess tournaments private and open invitation. Attend national shows and conventions be replaced with going to chess conventions and national competitions. My point being the actual interaction has nothing to do with personal relationships.

Leaders and peacocks of local communities

It is unfortunate but one of the flaws of local communities is the false promotion of those who are most active are the wisest when discussing the things we discuss. That by itself as a way to determine credibility is just a very false one. What these people often are are some of the wisest in individual scene type activities and in my opinion you can even define it in a more realistic smaller set, experts in scenes within public play.

Most who are the promoters of all is great in local communities are in essence pushing a social activity that is BDSM related. The fact while many will also claim expertise in personal relationships and about the power exchange dynamic in them, their badge of local community involvement really has no jurisdiction on that area. The simple fact is one cannot look into their private life and judge for ourselves just how they are in it. Public social activities which are all that local communities are cannot determine anything about a person’s personal life.

The best example I can give of this is when one of these person’s gives a demo or discusses a kinky/toy/scene whether in person or posting it somewhere in cyber. I have rarely if ever heard one not discuss it in terms of basically two strangers doing it together and they goal/enjoyment of the bottom being highly focused as the main goal. While this is not unimportant or great to know and learn it lacks a great deal when trying to transfer these things into a personal power exchange relationships. The reason why is the fact between two people who care and trust each other a lot of the discussion is just not relevant. Just as importantly the kinky things are never taught about the enjoyment and motivation of many who have this in their personal life. This is of course many of the things can be done mainly for the tops enjoyment and the things done can be done and enjoyed because they are physical manifestations of the power exchange and both roles enjoy them for this. Rarely if ever kinky things from local community zealots get taught or inform people of such things because their focus is on BDSM as a social activity.

Femdom delusion when people try to convert social activities to a personal relationship

The biggest myth, which I wrote about here, that often femdom information out in cyber is that a “real” male submissive is a selfless human being whose main and totally dominant desire is to attend to his mistress’s needs. This is out there because of two groups, 1) female dominants who have serious personal femdom relationships who subconsciously or by lack of confronting this myth promote femdom this way 2) female dominants for which the life is primarily just a social life. The former of course like that promotion enough and often do not see the harm in it, unfortunately, that they often enjoy reading things that support the myth or just do not care to fight the myth.

But let us talk about the latter type as they are often the most vocal in local communities and therefore this confusion is often where this myth is incubated that too many then buy into. Let me uses very common examples:

1) A female dominant that has one or a stable of submissive men and on weekends and various other times for a few hours is when they are together and in essence they play femdom relationship. These are not personal relationships even though most will swear they have very warm feelings for each other but the simple fact is neither relies on each other for many needs that a significant other provides. It is easy to role play selfless submissive man when it is only for a half day here or a half day there and this is why the myth gains street cred. A female dominant can hold up a kinky reward and a male with pent up energy can channel doing selfless things for a few hours for their hopeful reward.

Of course this cannot be kept up in a 24/7 relationship as both parties will tire out of playing the role.

2) Female dominants gather with each other and their social male submissives and play out a scene. Often things like tea parties or some high protocol dinner. All this is of course is fun and frivolity for the women and a classic peacock type ego thing as each women gets to show off a man or two and how they submit to them. The myth is re-enforced because in this case we have a bunch of women doing a social femdom activity and it gets extrapolated that this is how life could be in a 24/7 femdom relationship. Of course nothing that is present at the party actually shows all the work and other things done in order to get such service and mentioning that at the time or when one communicates it back at a munch or in cyber the ego of course loves to project the lack of work.

3) Munches, play parties/dungeons and even national shows people too easily put on mask play a part up to the max. As with a part with mistresses and slaves playing their roles in full peacock mode people often in the local community in their public demeanor often lay on an act and put their ego out there as well. Whether a couple even have an actual power exchange relationship or not when they venture out in public for a social event they will either throw on a mask that promotes they do or they have one and often really step it up. Once again egos help promote the myth as everyone loves to communicate the least effort and highest serving capacity looks the coolest and the myth then gets promoted.

Social life of femdom does not equate to a personal life

They can be more similar then different and it does not mean the ones who are active in their local communities do not have amazing and significant power exchange relationships in their personal lives. But with the way the kinky things are promoted and all the part time social role players that can often play at some mythical self idealized femdom relationship, these things often do a very big disservice when a person/couple seek out femdom on a personal relationship standpoint. It can become easy to buy into the male if real should actually be selfless and with out the female’s effort, inspiration and active direction lives to serve in anyway to make their mistress happy.

It is not that local communities are evil but their natural limitations often are confusing and play a factor in spreading some bad information about power exchange and kinky things when they are in the context of a personal power exchange relationship. So the next time you are interested in reading up on femdom from a personal relationship standpoint please do not give more credit to someone boasting local community involvement over someone who is not involved. But at the same time do not just assume the opposite as well. 

Who or What of Serving

Pop quiz what is the thing in common that connects the following two items:

1)  A male submissive on a message board creates a topic about whether it is better to serve by being motivated to do things for their mistress or motivated to serve by doing things they enjoy doing for a mistress.

2) A couple of weeks ago I had maybe the strangest message written to me privately. It came from another female dominant in which in a partly joking manner accused me of being a fake. Her reasoning was how I could claim I found many sincere male submissives and was able to go to real life so fast. She went further on to state she only runs into “do me” submissives because they always disappear when after a few messages she demands they write an in-depth essay of how they can serve her and make her life better.

The answer is…

What these two things have in common is they set the boundaries of where each role players in femdom often confuse the dynamic for the byproduct in a comical way. What do I mean by that is both sides who do not get the basic relationship for a healthy relationship in femdom where serving a mistress is to spoil her out of joy for her and what a mistress must understand what makes it a joy for them to do so.

Let us take them one by one.

Male submissive serves for the mistress and not the things done

What I wrote in number one above for many reading this should have been of course a duh type reaction. Of course it is way better and more meaningful to take joy in serving for the love of their mistress and not for the joy of doing the things that serving often require. This has not much to do with femdom as much as it has to just do about human interaction with people we care about. We simply do not want to be objects to people that we care about.

So what mistakes do submissive men do that fail them of this concept so often:

1) Men are cheap whores. In other words they will serve at the drop of the hat to any woman calling themselves dominants that they think might give them some kinky and fun times. When you are willing to serve anyone you are in essence communicating I consider a mistress an object.

2) Serving is not about doing things you like doing already. Too many men take things that interest them and try to turn them into the things they will want to do with a fictional mistress in their head and spin that into what serving is about. We are talking some of the classic examples like a man with a foot fetish willing to give untold foot massages, a man with a toilet fetish willing to be a toilet and a man wanting to be “forced feminized” wanting to clean a woman’s house and already has his maid uniform. These men are like #1 where they have already objectified any potential mistress if they are obsessing on items like this or mistake them for serving.

3) Play the role before ever being in the role. Men come online or heck it happens in local communities, or at least it sometimes use to, and they basically immediately go into play acting where they are all about serving a mistress just like the person they have directed their attention on. They make themselves immediate one dimensional characters that are not real and are not going to be attractive to sincere mistresses because of that.

What mistakes female dominants make that fail them of this concept so often:

1) They objectify themselves. They in fact project male submissives to be so one note, selfless and all about serving to spoil them, that nothing about them really matters or anything they do really factors much into anything femdom when it comes to serving.

2) They objectify male submissives. The communication is pretty consistent and pretty pathetic as they pretty much show no real interest in the man but solely focus on what can the man do to spoil me with attention and service. This is in essence the female dominants who only have the ability to communicate femdom is only a male spoiling a female.

3) They do not get nor do they have the ability to actually tell a submissive man what, when and how they are to serve in a leadership capacity. They know they want to be spoiled but they do not want to actively take charge so they will indeed get spoiled. Their complete failure to understand their role and effort in femdom in order to get a submissive to serve and spoil them requires active participation.

Two wrongs do not make a right but just make a lot of noise in a sad and sick game of you get what your lazy and selfish thoughts deserve

Most of what gets communicated in my opinion on message boards and online personals about femdom is complete garbage. The reason being because most of the people who are shouting them are the players that do and project the very things I just wrote above.

We get far too many women calling themselves dominant who believe or accidentally communicate femdom being basically all just about being spoiled with attention and things done to make their life easier and better by selfless male submissives. Any man who dares to have personal needs and double icky if they involve sex and kink are instantly labeled “do me” subs and are to be banished from the face of the earth. But guess what, female dominants who only want to concentrate on being spoiled are the actual equivalent of a “do me” sub just the female dominant version.

We get far too many men that think being submissive and serving a mistress is all about getting their kinks satisfied. In fact these men can be do me type submissives. They put on a mask and play the role that the do me mistresses communicate and play at the selfless submissive when often in fact all they are doing is how long do I have to do this shit before I get something kinky done to me.

So the female dominant who projects this image have honest and sincere male submissives totally dismiss them because they are what they are players who have no ability to have a real and sincere femdom relationship. So we have male submissives who play these games only to get female players to talk to them then get pissed when the female player realizes what they want and the man are about is fiction in this case and blow them off. No sincere mistress capable of a real femdom relationship is going to consider a man who is in essence objectifying the person they are supposedly seeking out.

It becomes a sad case of perpetual delusion of femdom and who is actually out there.

Reason #502 why the reward for obedience is fools gold

It is this philosophy that keeps the players going on and on and not dying out. The reason being is these female dominants who often proclaim hatred for the do me subs and so often clearly communicate a complete lack of actual interest in all things kinky and much of the time sex as well basically adopt this way. What they basically sell to men is obey, which is code for spoil me because they rarely communicate an order or bother to lead in their relationships, and I will then do some kinky things to you, if I have to.

What does this attract? Well of course the do me subs they hate so much to begin with. The men going what do I have to do to get some kinky sex around here. Clean your house? Ok, done. Now can I get spanked!

The sincere female dominants and male submissives accept their roles and duties in their relationships out of caring for the person and not the object the person represents to them in their fantasy that may have started off their journey into this life. This means the male submissive serves out of love and joy for their mistress. This means they care so much about them and that they make them so happy that they enjoy and love to spoil their mistress. But this means because in order for a male submissive to be attracted to a mistress and makes them happy that a woman has to actually be an actual mistress.

An actual mistress is not a female who desires to be spoiled. An actual mistress is one that has within them the ability and desire to actually be the active leader in the relationship with their slave. This require communication that directly communicates how, when and what the male submissive will spoil them. This requires initiating, inspiring and knowing power exchange requires equal effort. It requires understanding that you cannot pay a sincere male slave to spoil you with kink because that by the very essence of it makes then serving an object and not a person. Please tell me who enjoys that feeling?

For a heads up my next post will be the first in a series on the local communities. In specific it will be on the topic of the difference between a personal life versus a social life with those active in local communities. I am motivated to write on this topic just like I was motivated to write on this topic. Specifically there was a topic on a message board that drew my attention in quite a passion filled manner. The topic was basically female dominants who wish in a femdom section of the message board there were far less sex and kink questions posed by male submissives and far more topics that interest them which all the examples were of females being served by males.

As I wrote above male submissives just wanting to discuss kinky things on message boards and female dominants just wanting to read things about being spoiled are the same people both fantasizing and wanting other to produce material for these fantasies. I believe this has gained some undeserved creditability because of one of the aspects I see that comes from local communities. It is the people that play at power exchange for their social life. I am talking female dominants that have a stable of very part time submissives or an endless succession of short time non main relationship submissives. What they do when they meet up is play at femdom and in this play you of course get the spoil me is the main thing. I think these people have given validity to the idea that femdom is actually that way when transferred into a main and ongoing relationship.

So heads up on people interested in reading about that to check the site in the next day or two and for those that just yawned you can skip the next day or two!