Punishment: One More Thing

I have received a couple of private messages in regards to a sincere defense against having a punishment dynamic. Basically these arguments that a punishment stresses them out over the state of the relationship and punishments could make them feel like they can never do any good. Now I do believe I covered these with what I wrote in general but did not address these specifically as how I framed the post seem to exclude writing about this.

As I wrote before any worse case scenario or some idiot can frame punishment in a power exchange relationship as being bad and destructive. The fact is pretty much any kinky things or aspects of power exchange can get framed that way and really when people argue these things they are in essence doing that. I do not want/like this so here is a worse case scenario and therefore this thing should not be done.

No one should enter into any type of power exchange and kinky things with someone with mental issues that cannot handle aspects of what is to be done. For punishment dynamic in a relationship a dominant who has mental issues where they punish constantly for anything that is non perfection and do it in an emotional abusive way is not an argument against having punishment in a relationship but one should not be with that dominant period. His mental issues will find or have other outlets anyway. A submissive who falls apart anytime someone suggests they are not perfect and can do no wrong is not someone to be in a relationship where you think you are going to have any power over them as well.

In terms of worrying about the relationship when punished then again can be cleared up in two ways. 1) Make sure punishable things have nothing to do with the loving and caring aspect of the two people. 2) An established communication of what is punishable and stick to it. This makes the punishments not as personal and in fact a good way to remove emotion as being a trigger. Now a slave also has to meet their owner half way and not use their emotions as weapons as well in order to in essence top from the bottom.

The fact is if one thinks they are going to punish until their idea of a perfect slave emerges are in for a cruel fate. If a slave is frequently screwing up that same thing in a same way that is punishable then the fix is not going to be a punishment and will be a sit down talk and see what the bigger issue is and what can be done about it. It may be a different approach to accomplish the same thing, it may be the dominant needs to change their expectations or this talk communicates the importance of doing the thing from the owner’s side that helps make the slave understand and fix the ongoing failure.

My personal opinion is that a punishment dynamic that is clearly communicated and strictly enforced is essential in a significant power exchange relationship. I personally believe that you punish for things that attack the dynamic and the devotion to the dynamic but never ever attack the person or the question of each other’s love and devotion to each other. Now maybe if there are ongoing problems that the dynamic does not work for one or both people and that destroys the relationship or forces significant changes but that is what clear communication is for and not using punishments as a fix all solution to any problem.

Here are three examples of the difference between the person and/or the relationship versus something that goes against the devotion to the dynamic.

1) If I was to ask my slave to make stuffed green peppers for diner and he made a comment like “Yuck” would not be something I would punish as it is simply an honest direct communication. But if when he was making it was moping around and making some dramatic actions to communicate he was not happy about the meal then I would punish as what he is doing is trying to communicate for me not to ever ask for them again or for me to change my mind.

2) I come home and see my slave on the couch watching a baseball game and something was not done that is a forever like routine thing. If in April and the score is 10-2 in the fifth inning then he is getting punished. But if it is in October and his team is playing a playoff game then I would not punish as that would be punishing the person.

3) Let me do something different for this last one. I give my slave a hand job after what I thought was a strict no masturbation order for a week. But it is clear when he cums that he has been masturbating quite recently. If even before the hand job he comes clean then probably a lighter punishment then if he came clean after I questioned him and in some way I would have been touched at his honesty. If though he stalls or denies he has been masturbating when clearly he has the punishment will be secondary to the sit down talk we have because he is now flaunting disobedience in the relationship with me.